


She came over me like some holy rite

by Anaile20GH



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, and let' just say that some reference to biblical themes, well yeah kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-01-21 14:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1554044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anaile20GH/pseuds/Anaile20GH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xabier is an angel and Steven is a crabby man who thinks that he can't do better with his life. Holy crap I sucks with summaries that's it!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a year ago in my native language. It was in my plans to do the english version and tadaaaa here is it!. A warning... this has no beta process. Because a) she's busy with her own project (*slightly glaring at you querida*) and b) this is like an exercise for me to see if my english is better looking than Celia's...(bad joke I know). I also want to make a good impression to my beta (*still slightly glaring at you querida*).  
> So, please, forgive me for the mistakes that certainly you will find and let me know if I'm doing the thing right ok? It's my only request. 
> 
> Oh and Antares86 like I promised... hope you can enjoy it ;)

_“Sometimes we can spent years without live at all and suddenly all our life its concentrate in just one instant”_

\- Oscar Wilde –

Life, Vida, Vita. In pure and finite state. Beautiful and contradictory. Sometimes fair, other times not so much and generally not fair at all. Sometimes the lifetime is a blink in the universe, sometimes is 110 times the earth rotating around the sun, but finite, _Finitus._ An endless sea of opportunities for whoever wants to believe it. There’re those who choose to be happy no matter how hard the things can get, and there’re the ones who prefers just to be miserable souls for the rest of their lives because one time _life_ turned out to be not exactly what they expected and when _it_ gives them a second chance, they’re so busy playing victims of their own luck that they don’t see it. Or _… don’t want to see it_.

Forever and ever these are the impressions that Xabier collects from _life,_ see it through human eyes. _Humans._ Xabier thinks that _they_ don’t have the courtesy to at least appreciate their own faculties, given it by _Ela_. _She is too much generous with them,_ Xabier honestly believe. They don’t have a clue of how immensely fortunate they’re. The fact that they can _breathe_ , _feel_ the air fill their lungs, _taste_ and _smell_ the coffee in the mornings, _eat_ , feel their own heartbeat the proof of life, the tenderness of a caress on the cheek, heat, cold, feel angriness and sadness, happiness, cry, laugh… _have a motive for smile._

 _Emotions, sensations,_ things for which Xabier would resign to his immortality, to his gifts, to be a protector and a guide to whom they possess the greatest treasure of the universe: _Free will,_ be human and have a choice.

Humans are the most fascinating specie that _Ela_ could have created. Even for her, they’re a mystery. She can’t predict how they can act or what decisions they would make. And these were her intentions when she created them. When she designed _“mother nature”_ (to her own resemble), she planned everything in some way that nothing would be out of a _system_ and more importantly, with a reason to exists. But she wondered: _what could happen if I left something flows to an unknown course? If_ it _could choose its own destiny, its purpose in this world?_ And then she created that imperfect-perfect machine called _human,_ because in the imperfection lies a strange beauty that end it being captivating.

 _We’re angels Xabier, we were created to protect and guide the human race. That’s why we exist, that’s our purpose in this world…_ words that repeatedly Mikel, his _colleague_ , says to him anytime he can. He’s the only being to whom Xabier has confessed his inquisitiveness with human nature. Mikel for Xabier is like their protégées would say… his friend. There are so many things that angels know, in theory, because to the closeness with humans. Through the reading, art, science and the power to mingling between people without being seeing, angels domain really good the _hominid_ existence. After all, they also have the gift of listen human’s thoughts, their fears, their wishes and see their manifestations of love, hate, sadness and joy. _Ela_ only give them the senses of _see_ and _listen,_ with that is more than enough to do their duties with the living ones. Whisper in the dreams of those who are feeling lost, hear their prays, their petitions. Sow hope; kiss the eyelashes of those who are in the beginning of their eternal rest. Xabier has always done his part; he has been a good server to _Ela_ , but, as more he hears every thought and sees the expressions of feelings, Xabier _wants… wish_ to be human.

Say that _Ela_ knows exactly what’s happening to her angel is a bit of an understatement, though she can’t elude the feeling of disappointment... _why you Xabier?_ _Why you this time?_ Also Xabier can’t deny that he has the knowledge that his creator knows exactly what he started to _want_ and _feel._ The certainty of these new curiosities is for _Ela’s domain,_ because he doesn’t have the capacity of know it. And _Ela_ can’t take part and disrupt the course of the future events that she absolutely can expect and see like a spectator when the time comes, because the true is, she doesn’t want to avoid it, and more importantly… she can’t. 

Xabier will not stop to being a heavenly messenger for _Ela_ because that’s his mission, to what he was created for and not matter what is happening to him, he will not resign to his existence like an angel and to his duties. But in other times, when this rare case happened before between her good servers, when one of them walks on the earth like _human_ , it is always for the same reason.

 _Ela_ knows she can’t expect anything different with Xabier.

 

***

_“I have a smile_

_Stretched from ear to ear_

_To see you walking down the road”_

***

_“Today is definitely NOT my day”_

The phrase resounds in Steven’s brain like a mantra. Since he waked up this morning he was convinced that today it was going to be a shitty day. Period. Just as simple as that. And what else he was going to think once he put his feet on the wet carpet, thanks to the sink’s broken pipe that probably last night renounced to be a functioning pipe and of course he doesn’t noticed because he was unconsciously slept?. The little incident cost it 300 pounds and not counting with the cleaning and drying of the carpet because now the room smell like _ugh_ … _there goes another 300…_ Steven is making a mental _check_ on _remove the fucking carpet before I ended up burning it_ on his list of pendent issues while he’s finally getting out of his apartment and starts the traverse to the most miserable part of his life… his damn job.

Steven George Gerrard. Male, 33 years old, 1.85 of height, blue-ocean eyes, light-brown hair. He owns a faculty that makes him notable amongst the mass of people that are walking on the Liverpool streets with him… his furrowed brow. It seems that Steven is always angry, but to whom? Well, who knows, probably with the life itself.

Steven was predestined to be successful, to be a local hero. At his 13 years old, he was showing his brilliance with a football on the field. Life back then was smiling to him, shining and full of success. He won a scholarship because of football, was part of the youth team of Liverpool FC and he was loved and respected by his team mates. He was a promise. Football became in a way of life and at his 16, Steven could see himself in Anfield playing with the first team, making golden goals and winning impossible matches. To hear _“You’ll Never Walk Alone”_ chanted by 46000 voices and feel the roar through his veins with the crowded choir… life was sweet at 16. Until an instant, it was all that it took, a blink and the motive of Steven’s happy days was cruelly taken by _karma_.

Now, 17 years later, at 180º from what he visualized for himself in his younger age, Steven is not happy. Do what it left to do because you don’t have another choice, because _life_ turned out a bitch, and _fuck it_ , do what is necessary just to be socially accepted, Steven is convinced that he’s not happy and probably he never will. At least, not in this life.

 _“Jamie I’ll be there in a while. My flat got wet because of a broken pipe, I had to wait the plumber and the son of a bitch stole me without a gun and I really need caffeine in my system, just give me 30 min” –_ Steven says goodbye to his boss and best friend Jamie Carragher and gives to the cab’s driver the address of the Café near to his office. Of course the traffic was hell and Steven got trapped in it almost an hour, in a car with a driver who looked alike to those typical Indians drivers in yanks movies, with a turban and his fucking music that it wasn’t helping at all to the nervous system of the already stressed Scouser. And speaking of stereotypes _“why this day is determined to be a fucking shitty day??”_

Steven climbs off of the taxi in front of the Café, ends up paying the most expensive ride he’s ever paid _“Seriously, I’m going to end fucking ruined today”_ and directs his steps to his precious doses of caffeine in Cappuccino Americano presentation _thank you_ , which he got it after doing a long line _of course,_ and minutes later he feels suffocated by the tied tie and tries to loosen it a bit but he’s busy between the cup of Cappuccino and the useless bag, and now is a fucking battle for the stubborn man who keeps trying with his busy hands unleash his neck from the suppression of the fucking tie, and he’s losing control of the cup but he’s blinded by his fight. Minutes later Steven is cursing, loud… like really loud. Sending to the hell this fucking day, his grey pants impregnated by the light-brow of the coffee and the whipped cream looking literally fucking gorgeous in his new shining black shoes.

Steven wants to cry, lie on the floor and just surrenders to this shitty day. Ironically, what he ends up doing is laugh hysterically, making fun of himself because he feels like there’s no other possible thing to do just recognize that today is his LOSER DAY!.

For a moment on his face is printed a smile, his blue eyes shining with amusement, showing his white teeth and glowing… just glowing. At that exact moment, across the street someone is watching him. Someone who is standing up there unmoved and in a flash thinks that what is happening in front of him, the smile of that man and his bright blue eyes is something that he should see every day, because in that instant Xabier thinks he understands what humans call to be content, complete. And he can’t avoid smile along with him. There are a few things that in his infinite existence has made Xabier smile.

This is the first time he's been caught up by a wish… he wish smile again under the same circumstance.    

***

-“I’m sorry ma’am, but the contract was stipulated with this conditions since you signed it”

-“But it just not fair, now can you tell me why I’m paying a life insurance?

-“Mrs. Graham, my apologies but there’s nothing I can do. When you signed the service’s contract with us, it was clear written in it that we only make the refund of the cost of the medical exams if the diagnosis shows the existence of a pathologic disease and luckily for you is not the case”.

-“I can’t consider myself lucky at the moment if not a single pennie of the 450 pounds that I waste in those exams will be repaid. I want to talk with your supervisor; this doesn’t convince me at all, I demand an explanation from your supervisor”.

-“Ma’am I can assure you, what I’m saying right now, it’ll be the exact same thing you’ll hear from my boss, there’s no need-

-“I SAID THAT I WANT TO SPEAK WITH YOUR SUPERVISOR!!”

-“Absolutely, is the office at the end of the hall fourth door to your left, the Manager is there. Probably he can give you an expected answer, sorry for the trouble”.

Steven doesn’t have time for this, honestly. The giant zombie is about to eat his last flower and he needs more suns to sow more flowers and kill the bastard before it gets to the house and eats all the brains it will surely found. This is the most productive day of the week so far. Steven is on stage 20 of his game “Plants and Zombies”; early in the morning he had to spend almost two hours in a meeting with the rest of the staff and the Corporative Manager discussing over… over things that Steven couldn’t care less. He doesn’t give a flying fuck to the fact that the customers are cancelling accounts with them, that probably it’ll be necessary a personal reduction (sometimes Steven wish a kick in his ass and put an end to this miserable “professional life”) or that is needed a new marketing strategy to attract more clients… bla, bla, bla… the words got lost in Steven’s ears. He only was wishing the end of the meeting so he could go back to his office and continue the kill of zombies (or his second round of Black jack), whatever it gets his attention off the exterior and its existential problems.

An hour after a frustrating session with the zombies and their hungriness for his warrior flowers, Jamie goes to Steven’s office a little upset and protesting _why in the hell you send me that crazy lady and her hysterical ramblings._

-“She asked for my supervisor, I was only satisfying a demand from a client”

-“Why you didn't send her to the hell?”

 -“Can I do that?” – Steven’s answering with a grin while he’s seeing the screen of his computer and suddenly his wrinkles gets deeper and the smirk falters, because once again he lost his battle with the zombies and he’s stuck in stage 20 and now _this is getting personal you twat!_

-“Actually no, you can't. And what are you doing that you aren't even looking my face?”

Steven tries a little hurried to shut down the game before Jamie gets to see it, but he was too close and well, he saw frozen zombies and flowers with angry faces and then a not so embarrassed Steven laughing a little shy now.

-“Really Stevie? In the middle of working hours?”

-“Oh come on, like is there something else to do…”

-“Of course there’s a lot to do”

-“You don’t say… like what?”

-“Did you even listened all the things that were said this morning? Were you in the same meeting with me?”

-“Uhm, yeah… I was sitting right next to you… so?”

-“So!!?? What Brendan said didn’t get your attention? About the risk of us losing our jobs and what we can do to preserve our monthly pay and all?  Things are not ok Steven”

-“Jamie, I couldn’t care less…”

-“At least you can appreciate the fact that you’re here because of me and try to make me look good before the board?”

-“That’s what I always do. My work is on time, I smile every morning to Miss Roberts, in the meetings I always agree with everything it’s being said”-

-“You only move your head like those nodding dogs for cars! It’s like you aren’t there!”

-“But they don’t know that, right?? So, why don’t you just go to your office and do your thing and let me do whatever it grants me real placer through the rest of the day?”

Jamie is making a mental exercise and tries to remember when it was the last time he saw his friend smiles genuinely. He concludes it was a long time ago and also that he misses the carefree spirit that once he appreciated in his best friend. When Jamie met him in high school, Steven was the sweetest, kind and friendly kid and immediately they became best friends. Their friendship has remained in time and since that incident, in that fateful match, Jamie has witnessed through all this years of how Steven has turned out in a bitter, sarcastic and lonely person.

He’s had some companion, but nothing remotely close to a serious or committed relationship. In fact, in the moment he feels that there’s something odd with his “sentimental” partner, when suddenly his thing is called a “relationship” from the other’s point of view, and suddenly everything seems so routinely and formal, without thinking twice, he ends up breaking any attempt of that sort, finding himself free like a bird again and enjoying his loneliness (if you can call that enjoy, from Jamie’s point of view).

Later that day when they’re in the pub drinking their accustomed 7 o’ clock pint before go home, Jamie tries “for fuck’s sakes” have a normal conversation with Steven, where he tries to change his mind and make him reason about the benefits of having a normal relationship, the chances of feeling good with himself and make that significant person happy.

-“I don’t understand you people, why you still think that your happiness depends on others? Corny way to see life if you ask me!”

-“It’s not like that, and you know it. It's about to share your life with someone who wants to, who wants to be with you”-

-“Ugh here we go again… slow down Jay, I don’t care have a relationship, I sucks for that kind of thing”

-“It’s not healthy to be so alone”

-“I’m not alone. Why you’re saying that? I have my family close; I have you, even if you’re a pain in the ass sometimes, why do I need more? And if it for the sex, there’s always someone who can satisfy your needs in that way without expecting anything in change. God bless those good Samaritans”- a smirking Steven says the last part with a sassy wink followed by a bitter drink and Jamie, feeling defeated again and moving his head in a “No” gesture, changes the subject of their conversation to Liverpool FC, in how Jamie Jr. says Dadda and the boobs of the sexy waitress that smiles to him every morning when he goes to buy his coffee, even that he knows boobs are not exactly a theme for an attractive conversation for Steven, but it’s hilarious the dissertations that his friend can make about it, Jamie always enjoys Steven’s ramblings about tits.   

***

 

Xabier decides that Liverpool is his kind of city. Big cities are always fascinating for him, is overwhelming to see how far humans can go with their great capacity of creation and big cities are an example of it. However, there’s a strange charm that surrounds Liverpool and that’s why Xabier is always tempted to go back there, like he’s attached to it. One of the things that comforts him is how genuinely identified the people are with the city, how you can see the pride in their faces when The Beatles are mentioned, or when they talk about their football club. Xabier thinks that Liverpool FC fans are the most romantic and loyal ones, even if the team is losing or that they don’t figure between the best of Europe, you can see the fans chanting every game like their life depends on it until the final whistle. Always the 46000 souls, crying, laughing, celebrating in one voice. Anfield is one of those places in which Xabier loves to lose himself between the people, and live with them those vibrant 90 minutes. 

-“Why you’re so thoughtful angel?”- Xabier seems to come back from wherever he was and turns around to see his friend, who takes a seat next to him on the bank in front of the City's port.

-“I was meditating about something that I saw this this morning”

-“And you have a conclusion?”

-“I want this someone to see me, show me to him. I want him to listen me”

Mikel can’t stop to seem surprised before such a confession. He asks the most logical question that he can think to ask –“How do you know that it is what you want?”

-“Because I can’t stop to thinking about this man that I saw this morning and what I felt in that moment. I’m curious about him”

-“What is this that you suppose you felt?”

-“The urgency of know how someone that can smile like that keeps inside so much bitterness. There’s something that perturbs him and I want to know what it is”

-“You only saw him smile? That is it?”

-“Well basically, and also I saw him fight with his tie and drops his coffee on his pants and shoes. His reaction was to smile because of his own stupidity. It was quite hilarious”- Xabier remembers the image vividly and he can’t avoid smile again, the poor man’s exasperation was very amusing. Or that’s what Xabier thinks.

Mikel finds himself fascinated by his friend’s confession and also a little worried. It’s a certainty that Mikel isn’t excluded to let himself being captivated by humans behaviours and their particular way to live their life. But he’s very clear about what is his mission on earth and his intentions are to honour _Ela’s_ commands. Xabier and Mikel are _Ela’s_ favourite angels. She trusts in them so much, their obedience and dedication has surprised her immensely. And yes, they’re her favourites, she can have that luxury… after all, is very unlikely that her other servers can feel envy or jealousy, since they don’t have that capacity. There’s no need to worry for an inexistent war in her celestial court.  

-“I really wish to understand you Xabier, honestly. You’re speaking of something that I can’t share my thoughts with you because I never wanted to be one of them. Probably that fact makes you understand them more than I do”

-“Perhaps you’re right”

-“And how you’re planning to meet this man?”- Xabier turns to Mikel with a perplexed look on his eyes. Mikel smiles and says –“Don’t tell me that you were thinking to say to the poor man _Ey my name is Xabier and I’m an angel, I was wondering what  makes your life so miserable…”_

-“That’s not a bad idea when you come to think about it”

-“I’m talking seriously Xabier”

Xabier pretends that he can breathe and sighs deeply. Of course that he has thought about how to board this man. He has planned some scenarios of what he must to say or how, but human’s incredulity in some things makes Xabier to doubt about how he can carry out this mission. However, his curiosity is commanding his wishes of make possible for this man to have a different motivation for smile and that’s enough reason for him to not care about formalities and simply let the things flows naturally to the course that must be.


	2. II.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xabier introduces himself...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, I want to make clear that a specific part of this chapter is the twisted vision of the writer through the characters POV... there's no intentions to judge people's believes... we have the right to chose in what believe
> 
> :)
> 
> and once again, please forgive any mistake you probably will find
> 
> :))

*******

_“And with words unspoken_

_A silent devotion_

_I know you know what I mean_

_And the end is unknown_

_But I think I'm ready_

_As long as you're with me”_

***

Sitting in his office, Steven is (and painfully for him) dealing with some graphics that earlier in the morning Jamie requested him to “check on it”. And for the supreme force that makes everything possible in this world, he simply doesn’t understand what the hell is showing his monitor. He doesn’t get it and he starts to wonder why he didn’t chose another career rather than administration to make himself a professional. When he thinks about it, quickly comes to the inevitable conclusion that he’s ( _was_ … it’s important to highlight) good to run after a ball and that’s in the past. This is one of those moments where Steven wants to run far away from this miserable office, from this fucking routine, from this life… at the end he just takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, start to count to ten, slowly lets the air escape from his lungs and for the tenth time tries to concentrate in the graphics.

Surprisingly in time record, Steven has made a very useful analysis of the information. It even could be say that he’s satisfied with the results, especially when Jamie gives him a pat on the back and says: “see? I knew you could do it! I wouldn’t have asked you to if I thought otherwise”. Steven is grateful to have a friend like his boss and recriminates himself for being a bastard the most of the times with Jamie, when he only wants what’s the best for him. He really appreciates what Jamie has done through all the years they have as friends; he has always been there for Steven and he’s convinced that most of the things he has achieved so far wouldn’t have been possible without Jamie’s support.  

A couple of hours later Steven is immerse in a discussion (a battle of insults is more adequate for it) in a Liverpool FC forum, when he feels that someone is standing in front of his desk and he really doesn’t want to get interrupted right in the middle of his _“go and fuck yourself you useless fucking wankers mancs!”._ In a not very polite tone, he says to the person _“_ for reclaims go to the end of the hall, fourth door to the left”, his eyes glued to his monitor.

-“Hello Steven”- Now Steven directs his eyes (and his attention) to the particular male voice that’s gently greeting him… and _what a view he’s getting_. He doesn’t have a desk identification and also doesn’t have the manner of carry his ID card on him.The people that generally visit his office aren’t exactly in the best of their mood, they have always something to reclaim and Steven isn’t interested in them knowing his name, like he’s the guilty one for their late refunds, therefore is very surprising that this person… this man that’s sitting in his visiting chair knows his name. Steven can swear over his own life that for the love of- he would remember if he really got to know this man and he would be a complete idiot if he can’t remember knowing him, because he can’t stop to think how captivating this guy is. His stare is so intense that makes Steven blush and finally, when he takes control over his senses again, stammering he asks: “So-Sorry… have we met before?”    

-“Not exactly, well you don’t know me, but I do know you”

-“Really? And how come YOU know me and I don’t have a clue of who you are?”

-“Because it’s my job to know you Steven”

Steven doesn’t get it; he doesn’t understand what this guy is talking about. He’s questioning how is possible that this monument of human being have any acknowledge of his existence. For a moment they’re crossing stares, Steven more curiously while the mysterious and elegant gentleman is staring him with a certainty that is intimidating, but at the same time seducing him to remain serene.

-“You know? You really have to accept that the penalty was completely fair. Rooney didn’t dive, the center back, the tattooed one, he leave his leg with all the intention to make him fall. So, you can stop calling him Greasy version of Greg Louganis”

Steven just froze, literally. He just wrote that minutes earlier, how is possib-?

-“Is this some kind of joke?”

-“I’m not joking Steven… _and you can stop being defensive, I’m not going to hurt you”-_ Steven is listening the man’s voice but his lips aren’t moving -“ _It’s ok. Just relax; you don’t have to feel nervous, trust me”-_ There it is again, the man’s voice but he’s not actually talking and Steven is freaking out because this is getting really weird.

-“Of course is weird, I totally understand your reaction but please, don’t be scared”

-“Ok, this is really bizarre and I don’t like it at all… who the fuc-”

-“ _Please Steven, calm down, just look at me…”-_ Steven is hearing again the man’s voice in his head and strangely for some reason he comply his petition. He looks into the man’s eyes and suddenly he feels so calm, his breathing more regular and his shoulders relaxed.

-“There you go. My name’s Xabier, Steven, and it’s a pleasure to know you, formally I mean”.

Steven just blinks, he starts to detail the man sitting in front of him, he’s wearing a light-blue shirt, black suit and a coat. His hair is stylish, he has a beard that it makes him looks distinguished and there’s something about him that Steven can’t put it in words, it’s just the way his face seems to shine, something that surrounds him that-

-“Actually we must look _normal_ , the clothes are not my choice but who did it has an exquisite taste, don’t you think?  

-“Who chose it?”

-“My boss”

-“Your boss?”

-“Do you think that it’s possible you can take a break and walk with me?”

Steven sets his stare on _Xabier_ and briefly doubts if he must do what the man is suggesting, but his instinct says that probably is not a bad idea and plus, he doesn’t need second invitations to leave the office for some “break”, especially if someone like this charming and strange gentleman asks it  -“Please…”- Steven gets up from his seat and says to the mysterious man –“First I need to notify to my boss that I’m going out, could you wait outside?”- Xabier nods and goes to the building exit while Steven is loosing his tie because he feels like he’s suffocating and takes deep breaths on his way to Jamie’s office with his mind reeling with the previous events, trying to process what the fuck just happened. He can’t be more surprised when he came to the conclusion that not every day you can have some encounters with paranormal situations, especially when you have a very monotonous life like him, and it would be kind of foolish just let pass by the opportunity of know how the hell he could listen the voice of that man with strange name in his head _“how the fuck he did that??!!”_

When Steven is leaving the building, he sees Xabier standing in the street across from him and in the moment their eyes meet, Xabier smiles fondly and Steven stops for some seconds feeling the air knocked out from his lungs. He shakes his head and starts to walks again, Xabier stretching his hand when he’s close to him.

-“Is the proper way to introduce yourself right? Shakes hands…”

Steven doubts for a second and sees directly to Xabier eyes, his face portraying the affirmation that he can trust in him, that his intentions has no malice in it. He finally takes Xabier’s hand and finds curious that his skin is so warm, in this kind of weather you need to cover your hands if you want to keep it warm. Xabier stretch even more his smile and when Steven lets go his hand, they start walking to the end of the street turning around the corner.

***

They’re sitting on a bank in the little park near to Steven’s work. It’s mid-afternoon and there’re kids playing, their mums talking very amiably while they’re watching their little ones.

-“I like crowded places, I like see the people in their particular world, immersed in their own thoughts. Every one of you has a story to tell”- Xabier lets slip his confession and Steven finds strange that he talks about _people_ like they’re something different from him, like he doesn’t belong here.

-“What’s your story then?”- Steven asks, wanting to know why he decided to leave his office in the middle of working hours to come to a park with an incredibly handsome clairvoyant and his strange confession that Steven can easily define as voyeurism.

-“My story? That’s the polite way to ask who the hell I am?”

-“Ok…who the hell are you?”- Xabier smiles… -“Yes, I’m a bit different of you, of all people”

-“Really…? You don’t say, I thought that freaking people out by talking to them telepathically is something very common on these days. Are you an illusionist or something? Like those you can watch on TV and makes shows in Las Vegas and all?”

-“No, I’m not, and I’m sorry if I scared you I just wanted to get your attention. You were very focused on your… discussion”- Steven smiles shyly, he was a little exasperated by the wave of comments he was receiving thanks to his Wayne Rooney Appreciation’s. 

-“First of all, I want to make clear that my intentions aren’t scared you or make you feel uncomfortable, despite you might think. Maybe I should start by telling you that I saw you the other day walking out of the Café, when you spilled your Cappuccino on your pants, it was obvious that you were upset but you managed to make look that what was happening to you, were insignificant and you laughed.  That caught my attention. It’s difficult to believe that the cause of that light on your face was trouble.”

Steven blinks, his eyes fixed on Xabier’s once again trying to find some meaning in all this. The weird part is that Steven must be worried, probably frightened, but what he feels is an enormous curiosity and a little anxiety caused by Xabier’s presence. Too many things come to his mind, but nothing remotely close to a logic behaviour in this situation. Or what he thinks it’s logic to do, like call the police or starts to run after put a fist on his face and yell some harsh words… but the genuineness that he can perceive in the words of this psychic man, makes Steven to let flow whatever is going on and see what he can get of all it.

-“You know? You’re giving enough reasons to put a restriction order on you and keep you at least 30 meters away from me”  

-“But you’re not going to do that, I know. You’re just curious as I’m and in your case, know how could I guess what you were writing in your computer moments ago is consuming you.” – Steven gives to the man a completely perplex look while the other is answering him in silence with a light smile on his lips. He stands up and Steven asks him “where are you going?”

-“Don’t worry, you’ll see me soon. You should probably go back to your office, even if you don’t want to. Jamie is asking himself where you are; I think he needs you there”- For an instant Xabier reflects on his look some concern but in a flash it erase it and his face light up with a smile. He sees Steven one last time and starts to walk away from him.  

 

Kind of annoyed and confused thanks to his strange encounter with Xabier, Steven comes back to his office minutes before to 5 o’ clock. He goes directly to Jamie’s office to notify his presence and he’s greeted by the image of his friend standing next to his window, hands on his pockets and his eyes lost on the sunset before him. Steven knocks the door to call Jamie’s attention and when he turns to him, his eyes are wet. It’s obvious that Jamie has been crying and Steven can sense the effort that he’s making to maintain his composure. He tries hard to smile and make a joke about “I thought you said that you wouldn’t take much time”. Steven isn’t a patient man, especially when he sees his loved ones having hard times, so he goes directly to the point – “Another relapse?”- Jamie nods, defeated.

-“Is he in the hospital?”

-“Yes, Nicola called me 20 min ago. The doctors found another tumour and he needs a surgery. They say that we should be prepared, that is risked and probably he won’t make it”.

Steven closes his eyes and curses lightly. Jamie’s dad is like another father to him and since the first day that the news about his disease were spread to the family, he has been there with them. Because of that, Steven feels the sense of defeat that surrounds Jamie. However, he tries to remain optimistic and cheers up Jamie telling him that he got nothing to worry, that his father will be ok like the first time, that everything will be ok -“Don’t listen those wankers smartass”

-“I don’t know Stevie, I wish I could believe that but these last months he has got worse and-”

-“And nothing… stop being a pain in the ass and let’s move to the hospital ok?” – Steven starts to sound annoyed now and Jamie knows that’s better just comply his petition right away.

 

***

After a long and complicated night in the hospital with Jamie and his family, Steven is in his flat. He keeps the satisfaction to know that given the circumstances, Jamie’s dad survived the difficult operation and he’s ok. Luckily for Steven, it’s weekend night (more like Saturday very early) and he doesn’t have to get up early and martyrize himself at work for 8 hours. The tiredness he feels is beyond normal, almost obscene and while he’s undressing in his room, the only things in his mind are a hot shower, leftovers of Chinese food and sleeps for 24 hours straight if he can.

He’s taking a shower, the memories of his long day flashing in his mind, especially the ones with the mysterious psychic. The hot water is running through his hair, tracing lines on his neck and back, his mind filling up with images of Xabier’s smile, his eyes, the serenity that he was radiating. Steven has his eyes closed but in the minute he feels the water relaxing his muscles and that warm feeling spreads through his body, he opens his eyes and definitely the images of Xabier mixed with the warm sensation are having some effect in the lower part of his belly, and going directly to- and he turns off the hot water, letting the cold shut his body because, honestly, whatever activity that involves any kind of sexual practice, isn’t in the list of priorities of the tired -beyond tired- Steven.  

Following his unaltered and particular plan, Steven goes to the kitchen wearing his pyjama. He opens his refrigerator looking for his delicious dinner _-Chinese leftovers are freaking delicious…excuse you!-_ and while he’s taking a glass of orange juice, he thinks he hears a noise. When he closes the refrigerator door, Xabier is standing next to the kitchen a few meters from him, and the sound of the glass crashing against the wall is echoing through the entire apartment followed by “THE FUCK!!??” screamed by Steven.  

-“What the fuck are you doing here???!!  How is possible that you’re here?? How you get in?? Now I’m going to call the fucking police!!”

-“Steven, calm down”-

-“Don’t tell me to calm down, I've had enough of that from you today, how do you thing I can calm down if you’re in my fucking house??!!” – Steven is really alarmed now; he can feel his heart in his throat, and suddenly he feels a mix of anger and nervousness that’s blocking his mind, like he’s close to be on shock.

-“If you relax, I’ll tell you everything. Promise me you will, I want to hear you breath quietly, could you do that for me Steven? Please?”- He doesn’t know why, probably is the way that Xabier is talking to him or how calm he seems to be that Steven feels his own heartbeat slows down, doing exactly what Xabier has asked him. Minutes after, the silence is broken by Steven’s laughs, taking his hands over his face.

-“How the fuck you do that? Really, what the hell are you?”

-“Can we seat?”

-“No, I prefer stand on my feet, now answer me: what are you?”

Xabier takes a few steps closer to Steven, but he flinches, mirroring Xabier’s movements taking a few steps back. Even if he’s calm, he’s very aware of his invader’s actions. This makes Xabier retracts himself and he decides keep the distance between them.

-“Before answering your question, may I ask you… Do you believe in angels Steven?”

-“Angels?”

-“Yes, angels, that’s the way you call us”

-“Are you telling me that you…you’re an angel??”- Steven can’t believe the words coming out from his mouth.

-“You’re a very sceptic man Steven. If I answer your question with a yes, you won’t believe me. What if I do something that will convince you? – Xabier replies with a smile, unnerving Steven for some reason, he doesn’t reach exactly why.

-“Something like what?? You had showed this far that you’re not exactly normal, obviously there’s something twisted in you, so if you want to show that you’re a freak more than you already had done, please, be my guest”.

-“When Ela decided to create us”- Steven can hear Xabier’s voice but he can’t see him, it’s like he vanished instantly, the bastard is now invisible –“She did it with the intention to give to the human race a guide, someone who can protect them and show them the path of hope when they’re feeling lost, you know, the usual”- Steven hears Xabier’s words that fills his surroundings, it’s like he’s everywhere – “Sometimes you listen, other times is hard to get your attention, but the bottom line is, when you’re having difficult moments you tend to stick to the last resource that is left for you, when you had done everything that it’s in your hands to mend what is wrong with your lives”.

-“What do you mean with last resource?”

-“Faith”- Xabier appears right behind Steven, and he turns around to see him - “When you had done everything you can do, you call desperate to some superior force asking for its help, despite that lot of you doubt about its existence. You always ends up asking for some miracle to that is there around you. Those who don’t believe in her, even them asks for her help, waiting for her to save them, to end with their suffering. Although, when everything turns out well, isn’t work of Ela, neither of us, but you feel the need to be grateful for the rest of your lives and starts to believe in that force in whatever version you had done of her”.

-“When you mention _Ela_ , you’re talking about… about _God_?

-“Oh yes, well, you call her _God_ , we call her _Ela_ , but basically we’re talking about the same thing here”

-“God is a she?”- Steven asks, thinking in the face that probably he must be showing this instant, trying to digest everything that Xabier has said.

-“Turns out that when it talks to us, we hear a female voice”

-“ _God_ is a she? _Ela…her…she…_ ”- Steven is slowing processing the information giving it by this angel. Suddenly he doesn’t feel tired, sleep is not his number one priority and he tries to remember his religion’s classes that he received when he was a kid and apparently the world is completely fucking wrong on its concept about… about _God_

-“Oh well, that explain a lot of things then”- Xabier can sense the poison in Steven’s words, the irony in it – “It’s more easy to believe that for the way that everything turns out, how whimsical it can be, it must be a work from a her and not of a him”- Xabier rummage in Steven’s memories, bitter images before the angel’s eyes, feeling regret because of the bad habit of the humans to blame others for their personal disgraces.

-“Your version of a male _God_ isn’t very encouraging, isn’t it? Do you want to make a review of your warmongering and misogynist _God_ to the Old Testament? Oh please, let’s have a word about how great father he is, especially when he abandoned his son in the hands of the enemy and let him die just to prove whatever it needed to be proved”- Steven laughs about it. He takes another glass and pours some orange juice in it, takes a seat and adds to the theological exercise that it’s occurring in his kitchen – “Let me tell you angel… I’m not a religious person; I had never been, so I don’t care about the twisted vision of the religions about the world. It has brought enough problems to the universe, it still do, but I doubt that you had come here to predicate about your Ela, and by the way, why aren't you blond? Where are your wings? To be honest, your look better like that is you ask me, I like the coat, I prefer it instead of the wings”- Xabier takes a seat in front of Steven while the other takes a sip of his juice.

-“Yeah, we never get the wings. Also we never understood why you put us living on the clouds, when the reality is that we are everywhere, around you. Your imagination has no limits, that is fascinating. I believe that everything about humans is captivating. I admire what you had done since the beginning of your existence; I even admire your own contradictions, you’re the peak of Ela’s inventions”- Steven starts to take seriously the words of the angel –“I chose you like the answer of all my questions, I want to know what’s like to be human through you".

Steven is overwhelmed by Xabier’s confession, he stares quietly the angel’s eyes and decides to takes another sip of his juice. Before the glass touch his lips, he says –“Boy, you chose the wrong person. My life isn’t that exciting, unless you want the sarcastic version of it. I think you need to choose another guinea pig for your weird experiment”.

-“I think not, you’re talking to someone who understands pretty much the meaning of faith Steven trust me, I had answered a lot of prayers”.

-“That’s so touching, honestly. But it’s not enough to convince me otherwise, so you can go and have faith in another dumb and let me be… thank you very much!”

-“Let me try, please. I know you’re feeling curious about me too, I can hear your thoughts you know?”

-“That’s pretty bizarre, it’s like you’re invading my privacy, would you stop doing that?”

-“Are you saying yes to my request?”

-“You’re very impatient to be an angel, _Xabi_ ”

  -“My name is Xabier”

-“Ok you know what? Xabier is too damn formal, if you want to gain my trust here, I would rather call you whatever I feel like it and Xabi fits you. Your Ela is a pompous… whatever”- _Xabier… Xabi_ smiles to Steven and he opens his mouth just to be interrupted by the Scouser.

-“If we’re going to do this, I need to make clear some rules ok? 1) Don’t appear like that again here, there’s a door and you can knock right? And don’t make yourself invisible, I don’t like tricks. 2) Don’t talk to my brain directly and stop listen my thoughts can you do that?” – Xabi nods, although he doesn’t want to stop listen what Steven could think of him. However, he agrees with that even if he knows that he can’t keep that promise, Steven won't know anyway.

Steven turns around and goes to his room. Before he enters, he says with a cheeky tone on his voice – “I have no doubts that God is a woman if all the angels looks like you, she definitely have a good taste. Quite harem she has”- Xabi laughs and says “Thank you” while his guinea pig waves a goodbye to him with his hand. The angel leaves the apartment, satisfied with the fact that he convinced Steven to make him participate in his weird experiment. It’ll be quite a journey, that’s what Xabi believes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song of this chapter... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9HlQTvF4uw
> 
> If someone knows how to make links here, I'll appreciate the information thank you!


	3. III.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And things starts to get complicated...

*******

_“Ya lo sabía, lo sospechaba desde el primer día_

_Me lo temía que en tus brazos yo me quemaría_

_Y sabía que de pronto todo cambiaría_

_Y otra vida empezaría”_

***

 

-“What a spoil sport!”

-“She has enough reasons to decide not giving us those privileges”

-“Bummer… ¿Do you have any idea of what unthinkable it’s not taste a good cup of coffee?  Or that you can’t smell a good perfume?”

-“I’m convinced that she doesn’t want her loyal servers being tempted by the little pleasures of life”

-“Oh… that sounds reasonable though”

-“That doesn’t mean that we don’t want to know how it would feel to do all those things”

-“Well, coffee is definitely one of the best things we can have. It’s always good to smell the sweet aroma of a good perfume in someone’s neck, and feel the warmth of a hug in winter mornings”

-“I didn’t knew you could be this eloquent Steven, I’m amazed!”

-“Shut it… I’m spending way too much time with you angel, you’re a bad influence”

-“I like spent my time with you, you’re a good company when you want to”

-“You’re not so bad either”

And that’s how Steven and Xabi had seen pass their time together the last month. After work, Steven usually goes for a walk with Xabi through the city’s port, or they sit together in the park and fill their afternoons with conversations about each other life. Obviously Xabi has much things to say and Steven doesn’t have a problem with that. He enjoys listen the heavenly messenger, who is actually a great storyteller and most of times Steven can confirm the things he learned in his History lessons when he was a kid… with some exceptions of course. 

These are the things that Xabi knows from Steven…a) He loves coffee. Steven can’t spend a single day without drink his five cups of coffee (with milk and sugar please), b) He doesn’t like dogs and Xabi can’t understand why… c) He’s obsessed with the cleanness and order. His flat is immaculate clean and the word _mess_ doesn’t exist in Steven’s vocabulary, d) He loves Liverpool, there’s no other place in the world that he could live for rest of his life, e) He’s noble and unconditional with the people close to him.

The things that Steven now knows thanks to Xabi; a) There’s a higher supreme force usually named _God_ by humans and it’s a she (Xabi is a evidence of that fact, _duh it’s quite obvious isn’t it?...)_ b) Angels only possesses two of the five senses know it by Steven, and he can’t deal with that when he thinks about it, he can’t avoid the little frustration he feels when his mind deceives him with images of him kissing Xabi and compared with the reality he knows, that Xabi can’t feel him… c) there’s no heaven nor hell _…then what’s the purpose of the Ten Commands?_ to which Xabi only shrugs his shoulders, d) Renaissance is the best time of humanity according to Xabi and Steven thinks that’s cool, e) Angels have warm hands and they smell like the wind, f) When you’re close to them, your entire being is overwhelmed by peace.

But the thing that has Steven captivated in a way, is how he really enjoys his… his… friend’s company. He thinks by logic Xabi fits in his life like a new _friend,_ his curious buddy who is always observing every movement he makes, who’s always studying him, who’s always making questions like how it does feel the sun rays on the skin, or how chocolate taste or how is the smell of a rose. Some other deep questions like, why people cry when they’re feeling sad, or what’s like to be happy; things that Steven never in his life has questioned before because it’s normal for him, it’s a consequence of the state of being and it’s hard to answer all those questions. So, when Xabi asks him _why those crinkles on your faces appear while you’re tasting lemons? Why you drink until you lose your knowledge? If you know that smoke damage your lungs, why you still do it?..._ questions that the majority of times Steven only have _“you’re questioning about the human nature to a human, not even us can explain our behaviour, honestly, in what your Ela was thinking when she created us anyway?._ Xabi also can’t answer that, mostly because the true is “yes Ela, what you were thinking?”

-“ _Xabier, they’re the X of my equation, can we just enjoy their complexity, see their evolution and what they’re capable to do?”_

Xabi concludes that his creator is a hopelessly romantic with a blind faith on her beloved creation. It’s ironic to see how the humanity drowns itself in an eternally debate about its existence between the Divine Creation and the result of a chemical reaction, when it’s precisely that force that it push them time over time to reach the ultimate state of evolution, it seems that _she_ ironically keeps them away from the _true,_ and simply enjoys the brilliant instants they can offer.

 

Steven is with Jamie and the rest of their friends in the pub. Unsurprisingly, Jamie and Glen are talking about football while Steven is listening Joe’s ramblings about the disagreements between him and his pregnant wife over the colour of the walls of the baby’s room. Steven is deep thinking but not precisely in pastry colours, he’s engrossed with thoughts about Xabi. Apparently, Steven is making this thing a habit because he can’t stop the memories than came to his mind regarding with the angel. Not even now when he’s trying to spend some time with his friends thanks to Jamie’s insistence to be honest. After two weeks of asking, he accepted Jamie’s invitation, mostly because he was getting very inquisitive with his sudden chance of routine, _why you aren’t coming to the pub anymore, are you dating someone or what?_ And before Jamie starts to seek in Steven’s motives that has him retired from his social activities, tonight he decided to share some pints and have a normal night with his group, to chance a little what had been his life these last weeks. In no way it had been for Steven’s dislike at all. On the contrary he’s always looking forward for his hours with Xabi. The angel is always in the street across his building waiting for him, until it’s 5 o’ clock and Steven can meet him, and when he sees him, there’s always a warm smile for Steven and he always has one back at him. Xabi is like a walking library, it’s fascinating for the Englishman the infinite knowledge his friend seems to have. Not only that, Steven easily let himself being fascinated by everything Xabi says or do. His eyes, his smile, the expression on his face when he’s riveted listening what Steven has to say (or the things he doesn’t say). Everything that has to do with the angel is captivating him, in ways that make Steven to set high level alert mode and starts to worry about it.

-“So, white or yellow?”

-“What?”

-“White or yellow Steven? You didn’t listened what I said?”

-“For the love of God Joe”- An annoyed Glen starts to complain of his friend talk, like this is the place or the moment to have a conversation about pastry colours and baby’s names for fucks sakes.

-“Yeah Joe, for once, stops talking about the kid that hasn’t born yet”

-“We don’t know if is a girl or a boy”

-“Bloody hell WE ALREADY KNOW!!!... just, can we play pool for a change? I don’t want to hear one more thing about bottles sizes and who’s going to change the diapers”

-“You’re in Stevie?”- Glen asks to his friend who seems to be a little distracted, like all the time he has been there.

-“Uh? Oh yeah right, come on, I want to kick some asses like the last time, masochists”

-“Ha, you wish fucker!” – Jamie responds sarcastically to his cocky friend and with that, Steven has enough encouragement to shows that when he says that he’s going to kick some asses in the pool table, he means business.

 

*******

 

-“About time angel, you became difficult to find”- Mikel smiles when he sees his friend sitting in the park, the night falling over them.

-“That’s not true, you know perfectly well where I am and what I’m doing” – Xabi answer in a tone that Mikel is torn to define as annoying or guilt. He can sense that his generally composed friend is taking a defensive posture, like Mikel is recriminating him that he isn’t in the panorama like he used to be.

-“I don’t want to disturb you Xabier, I was joking. I do know what are you doing with your time, with whom you’re spending your days” – Xabi directs his eyes to Mikel and set his stare on his face, suspecting what is thinking his friend and almost sure that he’s right. Resigned, he confesses what is bothering him and Mikel hears patiently.

-“I don’t want to stop to see him; it feels right just be with him. I like to hear what he thinks about me, and now I can’t stop thinking about him all the time and how much I need to know what it’s on his mind when I’m not around”- Mikel sees the frustration on Xabi’s face and he thinks he feels sorry for him.

-“If what I had learned through all my existence is right, I do believe Xabier that you’re getting fond on him, and I suspects that he’s development strong feelings for you too. And giving what you’re it’s completely absurd. I think that you need to meditate about the real intentions you have with him, because you’re losing the notion of who you are Xabier, you’re not like him”

-“Thanks Mikel, for telling exactly what I do know. You’re not helping at all”

-“It seems that you need to hear it and you need to do what’s right before it’ll be too late”

-“I don’t want to and that’s the problem”- Xabi says in a frustrated tone.

-“Learning to be selfish angel? You’re assimilating very well the human nature”

Xabier thinks he’s ashamed, in the way he can’t even look straight to Mikel’s eyes after what he had said.

-“You’re right, I’m being selfish, it’s not fair to him”

-“And neither for you. But you know what’s right and what is not. That’s why I do believe you’ll end doing the right thing when the time comes”

Xabier turns his eyes to the fountain. The stream reflects the lights of the posts on it and the two angels remain in silence, listening the sound of the water and Xabi letting it lull his internal struggle.

 

Steven can´t stop to see his wristwatch. He’s impatient, counting the minutes till 5 pm. It’s been three days since the last time he saw Xabi and he thinks that today his friend could be waiting for him outside, or that’s what he’s wishing. He finds odd that the angel hasn’t passed by to his office or his flat and even so, he doesn’t want to think about it too much. He’s trying to remember if he said something inappropriate _(or I think something inappropriate)_ the last time they saw each other. It’s hard for Steven to keep his thoughts in the deepest side of his brain while he’s with the angel. Sometimes he thinks _to hell with it, I’m human he can’t expect less_ , but Steven tries to do his best job to not let go the monologues of how much he wants to do… he wish to do… things that he reserves for later when the angel isn’t around. Steven is convinced that if hell doesn’t exist, _Ela_ could consider create one especially for Steven only for torture him, because if she could know what had been these last weeks in Steven´s vertiginous mind regarding with her angelical Xabi, yes, absolutely, she could literally fried him for the rest of the eternity.

When the clock strikes 5 pm, Steven is already taking his jacket and going to the building exit. He has an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach in the moment when he’s outside and Xabi isn’t there waiting for him. Only deception is invading his all being and sighing, he starts his walk to his house… alone.

 

Steven arrives to his flat, suddenly feeling so tired. He only wants just take a shower and put his pyjamas, goes straight to his bed and watch TV until he pass out till the next morning. He makes a stop in his kitchen for a cup of coffee first, and when he’s filling the cup with the brown liquid he hears the doorbell, taking him by surprise since he’s actually waiting for no one. He thinks while he’s going to the door that probably is the neighbour that surely wants something, but when he opens it without check through the peep hole and realizes that’s Xabi who is standing outside his flat, he starts beaming instantly feeling nothing but relieve, a wide grin printed on his face.

Steven’s reaction doesn’t go unnoticed for the angel.

-“I’ m sorry, I was kind of busy these last days”

-“Busy? How many lost souls you have to enlighten?”

-“Infinites…”

-“I thought that I was a mission that was taking all your time”

-“We can’t be exclusives Steven, don’t think you’re that important. There are enough cynical and grumpy ones outside and we’re a few, so you can stop believing that you’re that good to reserve the duties of one heavenly messenger just for you.

 -“I think you’re spending too much time with me”

-“Not enough it seems”- Steven shows himself relaxed and delighted to have Xabi near to him again. He lets the angel gets inside of his apartment who is quite familiarized with the place and heads to the kitchen, since is where they decide to spend their hours making company for each other.

– “Now Xabi, what Ela would say if she can hear you talking like that?”

-“Believe me, she would approve it”

*******

-“I’m going to ask you something”

-“Shoot”

-“What’s the thing that you most love to do?”

-“What I do most?”

-“Yes, the thing that you can’t stop to do, no matter the rest of the world”

They’re sitting in the kitchen table, the steam of the coffee that comes out from Steven’s cup curls in the air between them. Steven smiles seconds before he takes a sip from the cup and staring the angel’s eyes while he puts the cup back on the table he says “you know, what don’t we just turn the tables here and let me ask you… what’s the thing that you can’t stop doing Xabi?”

Is the first time that Xabi has been questioned like that by someone and it catches him off guard. He thinks for a moment, elaborating his answer and after a few moments he starts talking.

-“I like to see the babies smiling when they see us, they always want to play. I like to see mi feet disappear in the sand when the water washes it; I try to imagine how it would feel the sun rays on me and the wet sand… I like hear the classic music in the theatre it’s beautiful. I like seeing you smile… it’s hard to believe that something it’s wrong in your life when your face light up the way it does when you smile”- Steven remains motionless in his chair, his eyes fixed on Xabi

-“Why you let yourself being tormented by a moment for the rest of your life Steven? Why you choose feels miserable when you have the chance to do something brilliant?”

And Steven, who always has the last word, suddenly is out of them. However… -“The thing is Xabi, it was in my plans to do something great, I had it in me, the chance to make the difference. But fate, destiny, whatever decided that it wasn’t for me. It took away from me everything I wanted to be”

-“There’s nothing and no one to blame Steven, nothing is written for you. There are only causalities and consequences and that’s all”

-“Don’t come here and try to be all philosophical with me Xabi, I’ve had enough of that in my life. Call it whatever you want but I could’ve had it all and it wasn’t. Now my life it’s what it’s and I had to take it. I’m sorry but if this is an attempt to make me feel better about MY life, thank you very much, you can take your pompons and cheers up someone else who gladly will take your Dr. Phil bullshit”

-“You choose Steven but you don’t have to resign yourself. What it happened was very disappointing you’re right, but it was A chance, you have plenty options to do something brilliant with your life. Every minute that I have been with you it convinces me that there’s more than that. You don’t have to seclude yourself in self-pity or being defensive all time. You have so much to give and all to take; everyone around you knows who you’re and what you’re capable to do and they love you. Don’t cling to what it could had been and thinks in what you can do”

Steven laughs bitterly and directs a look full of disdain to Xabi. He feels the words heavy on his tongue before letting it go.

 – “Why you’re telling me this?”

Xabi only have an answer for that –“Because that’s my duty, it’s the reason of my existence. Be the light for those who are feeling despair”

-“I never asked for that Xabi. From what you have seen, I’m not a man of faith; I take what is left for me and period. Not exactly what I want but I take it anyway”

Xabi feels frustrated, Steven can note the change in the angel’s demeanour, since he’s always so serene and patient.

-“It’s true Steven, I have listened from you only words full of regrets and anger. But I can see more than the others can, you know it. And still, we agree in the fact that you deserve more that you are willing to give yourself” 

Xabi gets closer to Steven and he hesitates for a moment, trying to cope with the sudden urge to takes Steven’s hand. But is the other one who takes his, and then he rest his sad eyes on Xabi’s. 

-“If there’s anything I’m regretting right now is that you’re what you’re and you can’t even feel that I’m touching you”

Steven’s thoughts are the only thing that Xabi can take for him. Is the only way that Steven knows the angel can understand what it means being touched by someone who wants to, while he takes Xabi’s hand and let him caress his cheek, while he takes him closer and hugs him. Xabi acts by instinct not knowing exactly what is happening to him, he only wants is to hear Steven’s heartbeat, his breath and taking him in his arms just like he’s doing it. The warmth that emanate from Xabi’s skin takes Steven’s senses completely and the urge of feel his lips on him cloud Steven’s mind, until the phone starts to ring and makes Steven come back to a reality that is close to turns bitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies because I haven't enough time to polish this chapter. As always, forgive the mistakes that surely you'll find.
> 
> and this is the [song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-oDcF6_QW4&list=RD8-oDcF6_QW4#t=239)of this chapter. I still thinks that it's sappy


	4. IV.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The touch of an angel...

***

_“Only if for a night…._

***

The rain falls along with the night over the city. Steven thinks that the weather fits so properly with the events that are happening at the moment. He’s in a cab, going to the hospital where Jamie and his family are expecting what it seems inevitable and he’s frightened. Chills went down his spine while he was listening his friend’s voice through the phone, almost sobbing that his father went to coma; he shudders mentally because minutes ago before the call, he was about to kiss Xabi.

His mind fills up with images of the angel, his eyes fixed on Steven while he was leaning to him, expecting. Steven could swear that Xabi was wanting that kiss and that confuses him, because angels can’t feel… Xabi can’t feel him, but still he wanted it. In that instant, that rush of a moment before the phone's ring startled both of them, the words were unnecessary because everything was written in the eyes of the angel… _Desire_. And Steven wants to believe that his imagination is playing tricks with him because heavenly messengers are immune to feel any kind of need and that’s what Steven saw in Xabi’s eyes. And he was so close to touch his lips with its own, to taste the inside of his mouth; and it’s cruel, Steven thinks that everything is damn cruel because he has feelings for Xabi and that cannot be, because Xabi was almost begging for being kissed and he can’t even know how it’d be. _The whole thing is so fucking unfair_ , Steven realizes that he’s about to affront a situation the he was dreading since the beginning of the disease of Jamie’s Dad, and tries to avoid the memory of the angel moments ago when he answered Jamie’s call, while he was listening his friend’s voice wavers through the phone, Xabi couldn’t take his eyes off him, but what it was drawn over the angel’s face only sow despair in Steven, because Xabi knows what to expect of this bitter night and it’s enough for Steven sees his friend succumbs in grief, to starts to feel its own

***

Xabi needed only an instant to be in the hospital. He didn’t expect Steven finishing the call and he was in a place that it’s so familiar to him. He has been infinite times in infinite places like this but this time, he’s a spectator and not a messenger. He’s in the room of Jamie’s Dad and suddenly he feels like an intruder, like is not his place to be. Jamie is sitting in the foot of the bed, while his wife and brother are standing on his side. Xabi starts to hear their prayers and how they cling to the hope that in any moment the old man will open his eyes. The sound of the machine that breathes for him echoes through the place. Xabi can sense that Steven is close and minutes later, he’s entering to the room agitated, with teary eyes. He goes to Jamie and wraps his arms around him tightly, like he’s determinate to take all the pain away from him and that’s what it took for Xabi to starts to wish that this isn’t happening. What it’s a routine for the angel suddenly turns out in something that he desperately wants to stop; he begins to cling to that vain hope too, joining to the others silently in their prayers, waiting for a miracle.

***

Steven hates the idea of see his beloved ones dying. The mix of anger, frustration and sadness clouds his mind and he can’t conceive that soon or later this could happen to him. Although this involves Jamie and Steven feels he’s losing a father too and this is too much for him to bear. He can’t stand it. He thinks that if it were his father, surely he’d be in the other side of the door cursing and denying this moment. Others could think that it’s a selfish position to be because everybody has to deal with situations like this at least one time in their life, but Steven clings tightly to his close ones that letting them go, they leaving him, is totally inadmissible for his understanding. Jamie has been resigned these last weeks to the idea of his father stop living anytime soon and Steven all he has done is tell him _don’t be a foolish, he’s going to make it, he’s a warrior you’ll see._ But being now there, seeing how a machine is holding the life of the old man, Steven feels defeated. He wants to run, not see this. When he sees his friend, so stoic, so prepared for it, Steven can’t feel more admiration for the man and he also can’t stops thinking _how coward you’re Gerrard._

***

The sound of the machine is dying little by little. In any time it’ll stop. Nobody has left the room, not even Xabi. Jamie is still in the same place, touching lightly the feet of his father under the covers; Nicola has a hand over his shoulder trying to stop the threatening tears that are fighting to fall on her cheeks and his brother is sitting next to Steven in a corner of the room, both of them with their eyes lost on the older man. Xabi sees Steven turns around to where he’s standing, resting his stare on Xabi’s side, sighing desperately. He knows he’s doing wrong letting Steven sees him right now, but when he does, the angel’s presence warm him under a layer of quietness, momentarily returning the peace so needed by him. A slight smile threat to appear on Steven’s lips and Xabi gives him one. Steven close his eyes and tears come down to his cheeks… _don’t let him go,_ Xabi can hear Steven’s voice in his head repeating those words over and over again… _please, don’t._

And in that moment, Xabi can feel him close, can see him coming. So beautiful like him, so warm like him. Mikel gets closer to the body of the dying man, he rest a hand over his forehead and leans to kiss the eyelashes while the machine let escape the last sound, surrounding the quiet room. The sobs of Jamie are muffled by the chest of his brother and Nicola hugs both of them hiding his face in Jamie’s neck. Steven covers his own with his hands, remaining on his chair. Mikel directs his look on his friend, his companion, and Xabi can only describe as sorrow what he sees on the angel’s eyes. He sees him parting just like he came and while he does, he can feel aching and impotence taking every fibre of his being, when he sees Steven wraps his arms around his friend, crying slightly.

He begins to understand what’s loss someone you love, he begins to understand what grief is.

_I’m sorry Steven, I’m so sorry…_

Steven hears Xabi’s voice echoing in his mind, his eyes closed and sobbing on Jamie’s shoulder.

_I’m sorry…_

 

 

It’s 4:00 am when Steven opens his door’s flat. It’ll be obvious to say that he’s beyond exhausted, but Steven doesn’t want to rest. Not when Xabi is with him. He wants an explanation no matter how childish seems to be but he needs to know.  

They’re in the kitchen table, Steven with a cup of coffee in his hands, Xabi’s eyes on him.

-“Ask me Steven”

-“You well know what I want to know”

-“Still…I want you to ask me”

-“What happened in the room? I mean…what happens with us when…after…?”

-“You stop being, that’s what happens. Your body can’t function anymore and you can’t be here in the way you have been conceived”

-“In the way we have been conceived?”

-“Yes. After that, you return to what you have always been. You’re energy, you are part of everything. Energy can’t be destroyed, only it transforms. Didn’t you learn that in Physics?”

-“I have never been good in that subject to be honest”

-“I know”

-“There was another like you isn’t?”- Steven can’t forget the riveted look that Xabi portrayed for minutes during their time in the hospital. It was like he was the only spectator of something that was happening in that moment.

-“Yes”

-“And what he did... what angels do when it happens?”

-“We’re present in the last breath and welcoming your pass to the eternity”

-“How fucking moving that sounds”

-“Thanks _fucking_ very much”

Steven smiles and Xabi thinks he can’t get enough of that smile, even if it carries a shadowed sadness.

-“Once Jamie and I stolen his dad’s car and in the middle of the road we run out of gasoline. We didn’t have enough money to pay for the refill and Jamie had to call his house and explain the all thing. Later his old man came to the rescue with the tow truck. Jamie was resigned to spend his entire life grounded and I was preparing myself to not play football for at least a month. But when his dad climbed off of the truck, he was smiling and told us that the next time we must check if the tank was full for a clean comeback to home. The next day I asked Jamie why he didn’t murdered us and he told me that his dad did exactly the same thing to his old man and he didn’t see any sense to punish us when he saw in our faces that we were shitted in our pants. Besides he’d had a good day playing Poker, with extra pounds in his pockets and he wasn’t going to let anything ruins his day, not even the twat of his son and his mate playing to be rebels without a cause for a day. Anyway, we did pay for the tow truck and the new paint for the car, I didn’t see my allowance for a good two months. But he was like that, he didn’t let anything and anyone disrupts his always good mood. I had no memory of him being angry or sad, he was always smiling”

-“He loved you as a son”- Steven hears the angel’s words and lets it comforts him, his paused and soft voice it’s like a warm breeze that covers him and make him feel at ease, enough to get through this bitter moment.

-“You should rest Steven, you need to sleep”

-“I don’t think I can’t”- Xabi can see in Steven’s eyes how tired he’s, but the situation overwhelmed him in ways that he’s wrestling with the images in his head, his memories from this night. And Xabi knows that’s just a tempting excuse to stay with Steven, he after all doesn’t want to be alone and the angel doesn’t have it in him, the strength to left him.

-“I can stay if you want, until you fall asleep”

  Xabi takes Steven’s hand and leads him to the room. He starts to takes his clothes off, ignoring completely Xabi’s presence. If he can blush, the angel would have a slight pink on his cheekbones, especially when he can’t take his eyes off of Steven’s back and arms, how the muscles move in a rhythm way in the moment when he’s letting the shirt lightly grazes his skin before it falls on the floor. The room is illuminated only by the lamp on the nightstand and Xabi is thankful enough because the timid light does its job to hide his stare lost in Steven’s body. 

From under the covers, Steven lets his hand rest on the empty side of the bed and looks at Xabi, inviting him to join it. The angel decides to take the invitation and lies on Steven’s side facing him. They’re in silent for a while, looking at each other, trying to tell everything and more in their looks. And even that Xabi can hear what Steven is thinking, it’s not difficult for the man to understand what is not coming out of Xabi’s mouth, the intensity of his stare say it all. They remain quiet, just like that, Xabi listening Steven’s soft breathing. Suddenly the Englishman gets closer to the angel, takes him by his waist and hides his face on his neck. He feels the softness of Xabi’s skin and his warmness. His smell is so unmistakable and it feels so light to have him there that Steven doesn’t want to let him go, never.   

-“Your skin is soft and you’re warm”- Steven describes the sensations traveling through his fingertips while he’s caressing Xabi’s neck. He let his hand go to the inside of Xabi’s shirt, getting more space unbuttoning it. He rests his hand on Xabi’s now bare chest and when he looks up, Xabi is looking at him, unmoving and waiting. He followed with his eyes every movement of Steven’s hand and now he carries the same look that he had before the dreadful call. Steven takes his face with both hands and kisses him lightly. And now his lips are savouring what his touch felt before while Xabi’s still, trying to concentrate in Steven’s breathing, his heartbeat and how it accelerates. He takes this with the impressions he can collect from the man thoughts like his way to feel him. For a moment it desperate him his inability to do it, but he lets his imagination flows and it’s the hard sound of the man’s heart and his breathing almost erratic that gives to Xabi an idea of the effect he has on him.

It’s what the angel can take of this intimacy with Steven and he’s already aching for it.          

 

 

Steven wakes up the next morning, realizing he’s alone. It’s 1 pm and he couldn't care less when he feels he’s waking up from a four days straight rest. His body is taken by a renewed vitality and he breathes deep, only satisfaction flowing inside of him.  He knows it’s going to be a long day with Jamie’s dad funeral and all, and goes to the bathroom to starts to prepare himself for the next hours. While he’s in the shower, the memories of the previous night, his moments with Xabi and how addictive is everything about him, how much he wanted to kiss him and touched him and how he felt while he was doing it; how intoxicating his taste and touch and smell seems to be for Steven. And all he wants to do now is bang his head against the wall, because for the love of…of…Xabi is not a human, he’s an angel, _A FUCKING ANGEL!!..._ Steven mentally screams and also concludes that he’s totally and completely fucked.

Especially when he’s jacking off thinking of a heavenly messenger, when he’s shivering and moaning with the mental image of Xabi in his bed, on his side. _You're irreversibly fucked and she’s going to send you straight to hell_. Steven just laughs out loud trying to slow down his breathing to normal levels, feeling the water wash his skin and the shame that rise from his insides.

*******

Liverpool’s dock looks beautiful under the sun rays, not a common image to see since grey is the colour that surrounds the city for a good part of the year. Xabi always associate grey with Liverpool due to the weather, though now the image that rest under his stare is like a postcard. It brings a smile to Xabi and Mikel of course, notes the good mood his friend seems to be. It’s been two weeks since they saw each other in the hospital and Xabi has been missing him. Also Mikel but he’s not too keen to admit that.

-“It looks beautiful isn’t? Liverpool bathed by the sun”

-“You look different Xabier”

-“Really? How much?”- Xabi asks curiously.

-“I couldn't tell… but certainly you look different. How is Steven?”

-“He’s OK, Jamie too. Steven has been with him all the time, both accepting the idea of Jamie’s Dad not here you know? It’s not easy for them”

-“I can imagine that. And also you have been for Steven as well, he’s getting used to your company, it brings relief to him am I right?” – Xabi can’t ignore the tease tone in Mikel’s voice and he’s sort of… bewildered to ask why he’s saying that in _that_ tone.

\- “ _Ela_ has kept me informed about you and the human. She has very interesting things to say, practically keeping an eye on you all the time now”

-“I wonder if she wants me knowing that I'm under her scrutiny”

-“She probably wouldn’t tell me anything if she didn’t want you to know it, don’t you think?”

-“I don’t think I’m doing something wrong”

-“And she’s pretty certain that you know what you’re doing isn’t something you’d call _wrong._ Don’t be so defensive Xabier, nobody is judging you”

-“I’m not…”

Mikel smiles, that smile hides more than what Xabi thinks he knows.

-“You’re right; the city looks different under the sun. Although its grey tone makes it beautiful too in a melancholic way which I grew fond of it, the sun gives it another kind of life, like it’s smiling and it’s a comforting thing to see. I think I can get use to , see it like that all the time”- Mikel starts walking and while he does, he turns around and smile again from the distance, leaving Xabi a little perplexed.

*******

-“I thought you didn’t cook”

-“I don’t, but I love pancakes and I’m a GENIUS doing it”

-“Who says that apart from you?”

-“Everyone who have tasted it. They have told me that never in their life have eaten better pancakes than mine so deal with it”- Steven says in a cheeky tone while he puts the flour in the bowl with the other ingredients.

-“I have no doubt that I must not feel any regrets since I’ll never be able to eat your pancakes”  

-“You don’t trust in what I’m saying?”

-“The other day you let your toast burn and this looks much complicated than a toast”

-“I was distracted by your ramblings, so it was your fault. You shouldn’t discuss about football with me especially if you know that I’m right”

-“Mea culpa”

-“You damn right”- The mixture falls in the pan, making a perfect circle. Minutes later the pancake is already cooked, looking like the one in the flour bag presentation, perfectly round, perfectly golden.

-“Huh, it certainly looks really great. Good job Martha Stewart!”

-“…with whom you’re hanging around lately?”

 

*******

If Xabi could breath, if he could feel the air filling his lungs nothing like that would be happening right now. He’s certain he’d probably lose his capacity of inhale in fact; he has lost the capacity of actually moving. He’s riveted in the images that are coming to his mind, gripping tightly the edge of the dresser where he’s leaning. His eyes are fixed in a restless Steven, who is moving on his bed because of the dream he’s having. A dream that Xabi can see so vividly like Steven in his unconscious state. The chest of the man rises and falls so rapidly, drops of sweat running through his forehead and neck.  He lets a moan scape from his lips and Xabi can see how hard he grips the sheets with the hands and as far as Xabi has digged in Steven's mind, he had never seen anything like what he’s seeing now. He never would’ve been imagined himself in the way Steven is projecting him in his mind, moaning and sweating, biting his neck while he can feel him inside, so deep in him, Steven gripping his hips hard while he’s licking his jawline, biting his lips, his blue eyes filled with lust when he rest them on Xabi’s. And seeing himself like this, desperate and scratching Steven’s back, almost screaming with placer when he seems to reach a point without return, his hands tied in Steven’s hair, pulling him to himself in a desperate intent to kiss him, and Steven moaning in his mouth… it’s too much to bear and Xabi needs to disappear.

It's his punish for invade Steven’s nights. He shouldn't have been there in first place, but he can’t avoid his want to be with Steven all the time and now he’s living the consequences of his actions. He can’t process objectively what the hell was that about and he can’t reason it. The images keep coming to his mind and he can’t stop them. Anxiety is drowning the quiet angel and now more than ever, he’s frightened because he _desires_ so much that it’s consuming him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow...this world cup is a roller coaster
> 
> The title in the beginning of the chapter is the song of the story.
> 
> and... apologies for the mistakes
> 
> :)


	5. V.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xabi still is demure with human mannerism

*******

_“_ _I need no soft lights to enchant me_

_If you'll only grant me the right_

_To hold you ever so tight_

_And to feel in the night the nearness of you_ _”_

***

The morning is cold and rainy. Steven is in the café drinking his beloved Cappuccino, the place more crowded that it's used to, obviously the weather has made the people run there protecting themselves from the relentless drops. Steven has his mind anywhere but in the present, ignoring completely the noisy crowd. The hot brown liquid traveling through his throat it’s an enticement to mitigate the cold from the absence of the sun rays. Steven suddenly smiles, he has a flashback of Xabi and his ramblings about how the city keeps its charm even that the rain gives it that melancholic air, its proud make it takes it like its own, makes it part of its identity. Generally, Steven has always something cocky to say when Xabi has this tendency to say something eloquent and profound, but that doesn’t mean that he dislikes it at all.

He actually loves Xabi’s philosophical air and loves hear him swear. He loves make him lose his calmness and loves how he sits in the kitchen table only to listen his words or watch him make his breakfast. He started to love him more when he felt his lips on his own and touched his skin, and now, while he’s drinking his coffee Steven realizes that he’s completely in love with a mythologist being (that’s what he thinks about Xabi) and that fact makes him feel absolutely out of place. _This is crazy_ , an statement that get stuck in Steven’s brain and also, can be added that this is the first time that Steven is (significantly) feeling something serious for somebody (for anything actually) well, it’s a disaster. It doesn’t mean that Steven never cared for anyone before, but it was just that, caring not… _love_ , if it’s the proper way to call whatever he’s feeling. He never had thought about love like something unaffiliated to him, something to look for, he has his own definition of love even that is difficult for him to explain.  But he suspects that every minute he’s with Xabi, are minutes that he waits like a child its birthday party and the promise of Buzz Lightyear like the entertainer, you can say that he’s pretty much in love.  Or when Jamie, that knows him like nobody in the world and he doesn’t have any idea of who’s Xabi (or that there’s a Xabi) and even so, he suspects that the smile in Steven’s face almost permanently these last days it’s caused by something like _are you in drugs or you finally met somebody?_ , or seeing Xabi in his dreams like last night (and at this Steven wants the earth swallowing him and just never come back because he’s gave enough reasons to be judge by the lady all mighty) just seeing him totally undone, glowing with sweat a sight more than beautiful for Steven, desperate asking for more, well yes, there’s nothing more to say that he’s lost his mind and he’s completely crazy for something that’s practically impossible.

What’s make the all thing really sucks is that he doesn’t have a clue of what to do with any of it. He can’t look straight to Xabi’s eyes without those images coming to his mind, remember it is just so embarrassing and makes him feel impotent. Xabi could never be with him in that way and he feels angriness, frustration and mostly sadness about it

 

 

\- “Steven?”- Jamie calls his friend’s attention who was deep concentrated looking the monitor.

-“Yeah Jay what is it?” – Says Steven still staring the monitor in an annoyed tone and when he finally sets his stare on his friend, he realizes Jamie is with Brendan and quickly gets up from the chair sheepishly, regretting the unfriendly answer to his friend and boss.

-“Brendan wants to talk about something he looked in your report”.

-“Yes Steven, you made some interesting observations about our marketing strategies and the members of the board are actually curious about it, they want to hear more of it. Could you make a presentation for Friday maybe? I can arrange a meeting and if you convince them, the project will be yours”

-“Uh…yes…of course. I’ll do it, I’ll gladly have the material prepared for it”

-“Good job by the way. If you’re willing we can consider promoting you for Marketing Management, you have skills for it and now that’s our weakness. If you have succeed in the meeting, consider yourself working in that department real soon”

-“Well, If Jamie doesn’t have a probl-”

-“Of course not! I told Brendan that I’ll more than agree to let you go. You have been here a lot time and I think that you can do more there, show your potentials in something of your interest. You don’t have to worry for anything” 

-“Thanks Jamie, and thank you Mr. Rodgers for the opportunity”

-“Please, call me Brendan and you’re welcome. Till later then” – Brendan leaves for his office and Steven glances Jamie with certain curiosity while he’s sitting again on his chair. Jamie smiles knowingly adding “I’m tired to see you killing zombies and I do believe it’s a great chance for you”

-“I don’t know if this came in a good time for me to be honest with you”

-“Stevie, what’s wrong with you? I can see something is bothering you since a few days, and just before that you were smiling like a kid in a candy store. Why this sudden change of humour? What is it with you?”

-“It’s kind of…complicated Jamie, but don’t worry, I think I can handle it… _yeah…absolutely”_ \- Steven thinks ironically while he’s trying to convince his friend that he’s fine so Jamie can stop to wonder what the fuck is going on with him, because really, how he can actually explain his situation to anybody?  How he should start? What is happening to him is something that probably it would be called “unusual”, being attached to an angel is not a common situation to be in the first place, not to mention falling in love with one. 

-“Are you sure Gerrard?”

-“Yeah, stop worrying. Besides, you have collaborated with the fact that now I do have to work thank you very much, so I won’t have time to think about it”

-“Wanker… I believe you’re going to impress them, so for your own good you better will or I’ll kick your ass!”

-“Your golden dream isn’t?”

-“Fuck you, you know I can”

-“You’re saying the same thing since you had fourteen, deal with it Carra, you can’t and would not defeat me”

Jamie laughs at this (also Stevie is partially right), making his friend relaxing a little bit and letting his issues on a side for a moment.

 

*******

This is the first time in a long while that Steven feels satisfaction doing something related to his job. It seems that this marketing issue thing caught his attention enough to keep him occupied through the working hours, and after all Steven loves challenges. Is that competitive side of him that never cease to exist, even after he was forced to leave football. He was so engrossed in the graphics, numbers and in the PowerPoint slides, he didn’t realize that it was almost 6 pm. He can’t remember when was the last time he left the office after 5 pm… probably never. He takes his coat and goes to the building exit, the chilly wind greeting him not so amiably and while he’s putting on his coat, he can see Xabi in the usual spot smiling like he always do when he sees Steven walking to him. The man notes a certain kind of expectation or anxiety in the angel eyes though.

-“Long day?”- Xabi asks when Steven gets closer to him and takes his hand, squeezing it lightly and letting a soft sigh escapes from his mouth while he lets go Xabi’s hand.

-“A very long one”

-“I see, I understand if you want to go home. I can come back tomorrow”

-“I don’t want you to go Xabi, in fact… I want to show you something, would you come with me?”- Xabi smiles tenderly, enough answer for the man who also smiles at the angel and can’t take his eyes off him, the way Xabi’s face light up it’s probably one of Steven’s favourite things in the world now.

-“Come, we’re not going home yet by the way”

 

 

-“Do you remember that you asked me what I love to do all the time?”- They’re in a little football field near to a school. It’s getting dark and the cold breeze makes Steven’s cheeks and nose goes pink, his feet playing with a ball, passing it to one foot to another. 

-“I do remember it but you never answered”

-“I bet it’s not hard to guess right?”

-“From the time you learned to walk and speak, you love football Steven, of course it’s not a difficult thing to guess”

Steven laughs at Xabi’s words and then he concentrates on the ball, making some dribbles and kicking it to the net, scoring and celebrating like he scored the goal of the season while Xabi watches, laughing and clapping all the time.

-“You should try, let’s see how good you can be”

-“Nah-huh. I don’t think so”

-“Oh come on, let me teach you”

And they spend a while like that, Steven trying to make Xabi kick the ball without send it to the other side of the city, or taking it from the angel who moves so quickly, at incredible velocities.

-“Hey, that’s cheat you know? Don’t use your divine faculties!”- Xabi can’t stop laughing, he enjoys so much leaves Steven practically babbling while he’s playing tricks.

-“I have to make use of what I was given human! Don’t blame me for that”

-“You’re so pretentious, sometimes I doubt you’re really an angel, you’re more Machiavellian than celestial, I tell you”

-“Maybe you have to feel guilty about it, you’re a terrible influence Steven”

Xabi stops talking because he needs to concentrate in the lessons that Steven has been giving him, dominating the ball and finally scoring a goal from the half of the field. Steven claps delighted while the angel jogs to him and wraps his arms around the man’s back.

Steven’s nostrils fills with Xabi’s aroma and he instinctively hides his face in the angel’s neck, grazing his skin with his stubble cheek and breathing him. Xabi stills, letting Steven feels him and listening the train of thoughts that the man has related on him.   

-“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention”- Steven hears Xabi says and moves his head to watch him directly to his eyes.

-“I can hear – I’m really sorry. It wasn't planned let you feel something for me, I didn't think you would”

-“Only me Xabi? I’m the only one who has feelings for someone here?”

-“Don’t! You know that I can’t – that I’m not allowed to…” – Xabi thinks briefly that frustration is something very close to what he’s actually feeling right now. Since he has met Steven, Xabi has been in this constant whirl of new sensations and he doesn’t have a clue of what to do, or think. He feels he doesn’t have any control on this. 

-“I’ve been sorry for this every day Xabi, since the day I started to fall for you and how I feel when you’re around. And what you are... this is crazy! The least you can do is admit that you’re so confused as I am”

-“You can’t ask me that, don’t do that!”

-“But I know it anyway! Jeez… I know! Maybe I can’t hear what the hell you think or anything but you let me touch you and kiss you. If you didn’t want it as I do, you wouldn't let me do any of those things to you and I can see in your eyes that you want”

Xabi thinks that it’s a perfect timing to disappear, but he chooses to close his eyes and try to be as patient as he can be. 

-“Say it won’t change anything Steven. Admit it would make everything more difficult for the both of us and the last thing I want to do is to cause deception in you. I’m what I am and nothing will change that. No matter what you think I can be able to want” 

-“I think it’s too late for that and you know it Xabi. But, I don’t regret it, I don’t regret that you decided to appear in my life”

-“Me neither”- Xabi says and the look he gives to Steven is enough for him to understand what the angel has in him. A drizzle starts to fall and Steven takes Xabi’s hand.

-“Come, let’s go home”

 

*******

Just a few things have made Steven feel nervous through all his life. For example, the first minutes on the field in the beginning of a match when he used to play, the first time he liked a boy (and the conclusion he made of that fact) and the group of men dressed all correctly and with grey hair which are staring at him right now. Steven wears his best suit (the best of the four he have) and while he’s waiting for the video beam reflects his presentation on the smart board, he glances at Jamie who is there not exactly at his will.

\- Come on Steven, you don’t need cheerleaders there, you’ll be great!...

-You wanker! I don’t need you to cheer me up, I need to see a familiar face because I don’t know any of them and they’ll freak me out! Besides, you pushed me into this so you better be there or I’ll drag you-

-All right I’ll go…just relax mate!

And that’s how Jamie ended up reunited with the board in the conference room, nodding at every word Steven has been saying to make him feel secure that he’s on the right path.

It’s enough for Steven to believe that he can pull this off.

 

 

-“To Steven, who’s from today the new Marketing’s Management Coordinator of the best Insurance’s Company of England”

There’s a general buuu in the table where Steven and his friends are having a pint in the accustomed pub, celebrating Steven’s promotion. 

-“Yeah Stevie, now you have to work”

-“I didn’t knew you were such a corporate man Jamie, I bet you have cups and pens all around your house with the name where you work”

-“Fuck you Pepe, the pens are actually quite good”

-“So you’ll have a proper office Stevie?”

-“Yeah, I asked Jay’s office and his services like my assistant Coordinator”

-“Keep dreaming bastard”

-“Hey Jamie, what was the thing you wanted to tell us?”

-“Oh yeah, I’m going to be a dad again. Nicola told me two days ago, she has three months. Little Jamie is really excited too”

-“That’s some great news Jamie, just please don’t torture us like Joe here with his talks about bottles and baby shit stuffs”

-“Fuck off Glen, I don’t talk about that all the time”

-“Really? The other day Mr. Cole asked me to help him choose a damn cradle and we were walking around the baby’s department for three hours. Three fucking hours because he couldn’t choose between white or wood colour. You know Joe? Please tell me you’re going to wait long enough to have another one and let us to recover from this”

-“Go and fuck yourself”

-“Ok…enough with the subject. So, pool boys? I feel lucky tonight” – Two hours later four grown up men were cursing really loud to a very smiling Steven.

 

  *******

-“Check”

-“Damn it!”

-“Language Xabier”

-“Don’t make me to show you the finger Mikel”

-“You’re terrible for chess, you know it. I don’t know why you insist to play with me anyway”

-“Soon or later your king will fall”

-“You have been trying for an eternity, you have another one to do it”

-“Some day”- Xabi push his king to make it fall for the tenth time in the night and pretends he’s deep sighing. He thinks he’ll never be able to win Mikel in chess and concludes that probably war strategies are not his thing.

-“Don’t give up”

-“Maybe we should try with poker someday”

-“Maybe we should. How is your friend by the way?”

-“He’s fine. He has been promoted and he’s celebrating it with his friends. The unusual comes when I’m around”

-“Ah, but he’s weird enough to have unusual relationships in his life, isn’t it?”

 -“Probably”- Xabi smiles, but some kind of sadness shadows his eyes. After a few moments, Mikel talks again.

-“You love him do you?”

-“Probably”

-“And what are you going to do Xabier?”

-“Nothing, there’s nothing I can do about it”

-“You know you can ask her”

-“You know very well Mikel, that I’m not going to do it”

Mikel feels sorrow for his friend. Even that he always believed that Xabi’s intentions to get close to Steven were selfish from the beginning, seeing him now with that sad expression and talking with a kind of nostalgia, makes him to feel empathy for his friend.

-“Then why you still sees him?”

-“Because I would rather have moments with him that not have anything at all. At least I can take that” 

Mikel gives Xabi one more chance to beat him in chess, more likely to change a little the gloomy air that surrounds them.

 

*******

-“I’m happy for Jamie, it can’t be more convenient for his family the news”

-“Me too. I realize that everyone in my group are parents”

-“You don’t have any intentions to be one right?”

-“Not a chance. I love kids, as long as they’re other’s responsibility it’s fine by me”

-“Royal flush Steven” – Xabi shows his cards with a cheeky smile.

-“What the- again??”

-“I have a natural talent it seems”

-“This is the second time you make that. How you do-?… Oh… oh you cheat bastard”

-“I can’t believe you didn’t realize it till now”

-“You BASTARD!”

-“Insulting me doesn’t make you look less naïve Steven, just to say it with elegant words”

Steven throws the cards to Xabi’s face and pretends indignity for the way Xabi has deceived him. He also thinks how dumb he was being that he actually forgot the angel can read his mind. He blames him anyway, it’s his fault that he’s engrossed with him completely. 

-“We should go to the Casino, we would make a fortune with you there”

-“I don’t think- NO!”

-“You have not been corrupted enough angel, maybe I should work with that”- Steven says yawning, it was a long day.

-“Congratulations Steven. I think it’s great they’re giving you a chance, you’re going to be good at it”

-“Well, I kind of like it you know? It’s interesting and yeah, we’ll see how it gets”

-“You’ll have success, I believe in you”

-“Aw Xabi, you’re my favourite fan”- Xabi whispers a fuck you and Steven laughs at how sometimes Xabi still is demure with human mannerism.

-“Let’s go to the bed allright?”

 

-“Ok I have to ask, why your skin is warm? You don’t have a heart or blood in your veins, it’s funny. You must be cold right?”

-“I don’t know”- Steven has a hand over Xabi’s cheek while the angel has his over Steven’s chest. They’re laying on the bed facing each other, Steven trying to get to sleep –“Ela decided create us like this I guess”

-“She’s a fucking genius, I think I started to like her really”

Xabi laughs at Steven’s words and then he kisses his forehead.

-“Come on, try to sleep ok?”

 

 

Xabi’s mesmerized with the rise and fall of Steven’s chest while the man sleeps so peacefully. He looks so beautiful and vulnerable at Xabi’s eyes that he can’t look away from him. In this moment, he couldn’t care less the gravity of his situation, he just rests his stare on the man and keeps for himself every moment he can spend with him. He knows that sooner or later he must step aside and let Steven continue with his life, but not yet. He's just content to spend hours just watching Steven sleeps, how he breaths and listening his heart. He was completely absorbed by the image in front of him that he didn’t realize that there was someone in the room.

It strikes him when he feels the overwhelming force surrounding the place, he immediately sits up on Steven’s bed, open-mouthed and surprised.

He has never seen Ela’s human form before. She’s always everywhere and Xabi only was capable of listen her and feels her omnipresent. But she’s there with them now, and she’s absolutely gorgeous. Her skin is so white, with big and brown eyes, her curly hair falling over her waist. She’s smiling, her face lighting up.

-“I like him too you know? He has a weird sense of humour, a little cynical for my taste, but I can’t say much about that right? How are you Xabier?”

Xabi is speechless. He can’t move, it’s too much for him to see her there. He can’t describe what he’s feeling, the only thing he can do is to watch her in awe.

Ela gets closer to Steven and grazes his cheek lightly with her delicate hand. Then, she watches Xabi and extends her hand to him and demand:

-“Come with me Xabier, we need to talk”

 

 

-“It’s been a long time since I walked over the earth like this. The city looks different from here, gorgeous. I can see why you’re so fond of it”

Ela and Xabi are in the city’s port, the sun threatening to come up while the two heavenly beings are watching the horizon.  

-“Why you’re here Ela?”

-“It’s not obvious Xabier? I’m here looking for you. You have been so much here that I’ve missed you, I think you lost notion of who you are and to tell you the truth I’m little disappointed”- Ela smiles, despite that her words sounded like a scolding to Xabi.

-“I’m sorry Ela. I-”

-“Hush it. Don’t be sorry, you were always the curious one of my servers. But always obedient and loyal and even so, you let yourself being captivated by human nature. It was a matter of time that someone in particular caught your attention enough to drag you in the state that you’re currently. And I know how this is going to end anyway. I always knew it”

-“Do…do you?”

-“Of course Xabier, you’re not the only one who has a fall for a human. The difference is that you were always curious about them and genuinely fascinated by their actions. It’s something new for me, your devotion to them”

Ela stands up from her seat and walks to the edge of the port. Xabi follows her, standing on her side.

-“What happened with the others?”

-“I let them go”

-“You…you let them go?”

-“Yes Xabier, I can’t retain anyone against its will, not even my angels, it’s not a fair situation for you guys isn’t?”

Ela smiles and Xabi understands everything that smile means to say.

-“I never thought of asking you Ela”

-“I know, you overcome your loyalty before your wishes, always. That’s why I always have had you like one of my notable ones”

The sun starts to bath the city with its rays.

-“He needs you Xabier, as well you need him”

Ela takes Xabi’s face between her hands and gently she puts his lips on his forehead. Xabi closes his eyes, his insides seems to come to life by Ela’s touch.

-“I’m going to miss you…Xabi”

Xabi feels a light touch on his cheek. It’s warm and tender and Ela is watching him with bright eyes and knowing smile. She wraps her arms around his waist and kisses his neck and he hugs her too.

The warm feeling in Ela’s arms is the last thing Xabi can remember before falls asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8We0SwZHd9A) of the chapter...
> 
> For the persons who are reading this, sorry for the mistakes you'll certainly find and for the waiting...it was a long month with the world cup and emotions and all...
> 
> And thanks for read BTW! :)


	6. VI.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a dream...

*******

_“And I had a dream_

_About my old school_

_And she was there all pink and gold and glittering…”_

***

_This is my old school, and oh how it’d change. It’s bigger now. The kids come out of it while their parents are waiting for them with big smiles on their faces and the little ones are mirroring said smile when they find mom and dad and with such a joy they run to safe arms. They wish their homes so badly and I’m smiling with them, remembering the feeling when I was a kid. Memories come to my mind; about friends I had, the bumps on my head and my back, on my legs that I had suffered while playing in the little park right here. The breeze gets cold and I zip my jacket to protect myself from the biting wind. I look to the street across from me and I see her. She’s smiling at me and she’s beautiful. Her hair is long and curly, with big brown eyes, white glowing skin, it’s like she’s almost shinning. And she keeps on smiling, staring at me like she knows something. I’m captivated by her and I start to smile too because I can’t help it… and then he appears next to her side. Him, an angel, Xabi. She takes his hand while he turns to see her. He smiles to her and she kisses lightly, tenderly his lips. He grazes the soft and delicate skin of her cheek and kisses her hand, it’s like they’re saying goodbye to each other._

_And he starts to walk to me. I see him coming closer while I feel my heart beating so fast in my chest with every step he takes towards me, looking at me with his wise eyes. He stops in front of me, a step so close… I put my hand on his face, just to feel his skin. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I have this urgent need to take him in my arms, to embrace him tightly and that’s what I do. I can feel his arms around my waist and his face on my neck. I see to the front and she’s no longer there, but suddenly I can hear a voice, a woman’s voice that says to me: “you’re his home now… take care of him Steven”. And this is how we remain, in each other arms, the cold breeze surrounding us, Xabi’s breath warm on my neck…_

_And I’m dreaming… I’m dreaming…_

 

Steven opens his eyes. There’s a timid light entering to the room through the curtains, the drizzle colouring the morning in grey. He sees the alarm on the nightstand and mumbles something like _it’s freaking Saturday for fucks sakes_ annoyed because come on…it’s 6:30 in the morning and it’s Saturday and he needs to go back to sleep. So he tries, but his mind is reeling, the images of a dream, so strange and… he remembers the beautiful woman smiling to him, Xabi and the female voice talking to him. Steven is trying to find the meaning of the weird dream when he feels someone or something moving on the other side of his bed. For a moment he feels a little panicked but then he remembers that Xabi stayed with him until he felt asleep and he thinks that probably is the angel that still is with him. It’ll be the first time, normally Xabi is gone in the mornings when he wakes up.   

He turns his body to get a view of the other side of the room and his bed. His suspects are correct, it’s Xabi lying next to him, but; there’s something different. Steven is astonished, he slowly sits up, his back against the headboard, his eyes fixed on Xabi’s chest that it’s moving in a paused rhythm and breathing. He’s actually breathing and Steven is mouth-open, looking Xabi sleeping and breathing. He suddenly thinks that’s probably another dream he’s having but no, he’s very awake now, very conscious and… and bewildered. He’s internally struggling with what he must do, if he must to wake up Xabi and knows what the hell is going on with him or, just go out, take a walk and come back to make sure he’s not having hallucinations, that Xabi’s in fact there sleeping like a regular human being. The thing is that Steven should be doing something but no, he’s just freeze, sitting in his spot on the bed surprise and charmed because Xabi looks so beautiful there, laying on his side. He looks so vulnerable and _human,_ and Steven wants to slap himself because that’s impossible even if he’s thinking otherwise.

His hand is moving just by pure instinct like it has a life of its own over Xabi’s face and so gently and delicately, almost afraid to wake him up, Steven grazes Xabi’s cheek. The touch is so familiar, the softness and the warmness of Xabi’s skin is the same as always. Xabi frowns slightly and turns his face to the other side. His lips are a little separated and the sound of his breathing makes everything more real and Steven is feeling a lot of things at the same time, wanting desperately Xabi to open his eyes. He doesn’t have to wait much time to see his wish granted, because Xabi is opening his eyes and resting them on the other side of the room.  His blue shirt is open, exposing his chest and Steven is tempted to put his hand over it… and he does. Instantly, Xabi turns his face looking at him almost in shock, Steven trying to read the expression on Xabi’s face, surely not different to the expression he must carry on, surprised and confused.  The palm of Steven’s hand is eager taking the sensations of heartbeats, Xabi’s chest moving now in a faster manner, his breathing irregular.    

-“Are you alive?”- Steven’s words sound weird for his own ears given the circumstances and Xabi without take his eyes off him, moves his hand to his chest, touching Steven’s hand and letting it there. 

-“Are you really alive Xabi? You’re breathing and I can feel your heart…Am I dreaming??”- Xabi sits up against the headboard feeling the air traveling through his nose, feeling his own heart moving on his chest, beating hard. A smile starts to draw on Xabi’s lips and looking to Steven with shining eyes, the most shining that Steven had ever saw answers –“I’m alive Steven! I’m alive”. And he starts to laugh while Steven is hugging him. He inhales deeply, fascinated by the idea that he can now breathe, he can now feel the air filling his lungs, he can finally smell the aroma of the man that is smiling in his neck, he can now _feel_ his touches _,_ his hands on his face.

-“How is this possible? How is that you’re here like this?”- Steven asks, holding Xabi’s face. Xabi place his hands over Steven’s wrists, letting them go over his hairy arms discovering the sensations traveling through his skin.  

-“She did it. She knew it, she knew that this is what I always wanted. But I couldn’t ask her Steven. Even that I wanted it so much, I couldn’t do it because it wasn’t right. But she saw us, together. And she accepted it, just like I accepted the first time I saw you”

And Steven doesn’t need to hear more because he knows. He knows what Xabi wants to say whom actually doesn’t need to use words when his face shows what he was keeping on his mind. He also can’t wait any second longer and starts to kiss Xabi. It’s not different from the times before, his lips are soft and his mouth warm, only this time Xabi’s answering the kiss by pure instinct at first then following Steven’s rhythm. His hands rests on Steven’s neck and both of them are attached to their mouths not wanting let it go the other. It’s only when Steven doesn’t have any air in his lungs that breaks the kiss and they’re breathless.

-“I can’t believe that you’re human now and that you can be mine”- Steven says, his forehead resting on Xabi’s.

-“Maybe I always was yours”- Xabi whispers and Steven thinks that he’s probably right.

 

***

Xabi can’t stop playing with the water that came out from the washbasin. He has the two faucets turned and one hand is red because of the hot water and the other is almost blue because of the cold temperature, and he’s so fascinated with the sensations on his skin. He washes his face and it feels so good the warmness of the liquid on it. Steven is in his kitchen making pancakes for Xabi, trying to pull it off this time. He decided that the first breakfast that Xabi has to take is his pancakes (and also because is the only thing he can do well… and decent). In the meantime Xabi’s in Steven’s bathroom poking about every product in his cabinet smelling his cologne, soap, after shave, everything he founds until he starts sneeze. That’s when he decided that’s enough, washes his hands one more time and goes to the kitchen. He sits on the chair in the kitchen table and Steven puts a cup in front of him.

-“Go on, taste it”- Steven says with a smirk on his lips while Xabi looks at him all perplexed, but he takes the cup anyway and he can feel that whatever is in it, is hot. He smells it and he thinks that’s nice aroma, he takes a sip but the thing is really hot and the same feeling on his hand when it was under the water almost boiling it’s now in his tongue and it burns and it’s not pleasant at all.

-“It’s hot Xabi, be careful”- The smirk in Steven’s face is bigger and Xabi looks annoyed.

-“Thanks for warning me”- Steven laughs out loud and says later –“Well now you know the difference between hot and cold right?”

-“What is it?”

-“Try again carefully”- Xabi tries again and this time he can taste the warm liquid going down his throat, and it taste how it smell, it’s like intoxicating. He already loves it.

-“It’s coffee Xabi, consider yourself lucky that you’re able to taste it, as well as my pancakes”

-“What is that?”- Xabi asks while he sees a viscous liquid cover the pancakes and the sweet aroma of it fills his nostrils and there’s some strange feeling in his stomach and the sight of the food in front of him makes his mouth waters. He wants suddenly and so badly devours what’s on the plate. He hears Steven says _you’ll know, take a bite_ and he cuts with the knife and fork the pancakes in little pieces just like he’d seen how Steven did it before. He takes his first mouthful of food under Steven’s sight and _fuck_ , it taste so good and he just can’t stop.

-“Pancakes and honey never fails”

-“Fuck… this is-”

-“Delicious isn’t?”

-“I guess you’re right”

-“I told you, the best one you’ll ever eat”- And Xabi doesn’t have any intentions to retort Steven’s statement. He’s a _man_ on a mission which is to satiate his food needs with this amazing thing Stevie has made.

Xabi is licking and sucking his honeyed fingers because he’s already addicted to the sweet flavour of it. He loves it, like now he loves coffee…and Steven who’s standing up from his seat and walking to him. While Xabi was eating, Steven couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He was mesmerized by every gesture that Xabi made while drinking the brown liquid or eating his meal. And now he’s captivated by the idea of Xabi experimenting…other things as well. The former _angel_ is now alert of Steven’s movements and even that he can’t read the man’s thoughts now; the expression on his face and how his eyes are shinning are giving a general idea at Xabi of what his intentions are. He can feel his heart accelerates when Steven is so close to him, when he takes his hand and gently asks him to stand up. When Xabi is on his feet, Steven brings to his mouth his hand with traces of honey and starts to lick it, taking what Xabi left.  He’s breathing hard, following Steven’s actions with his eyes, until Steven drops his hand and starts to kiss his cheek going to his neck, drawing a path with his tongue.

-“You smell the same”

-“How do I smell?”- Xabi asks breathless.

-“Like the breeze in the mornings”- Steven whispers in Xabi’s ears and then he bites lightly his earlobe making Xabi close his eyes and moan.

-“Come with me…”

***

 

Xabi lies naked on Steven’s bed, his eyes closed and mouth-open. He’s trying to control his breathing but it’s a hard task when he’s feeling Steven’s tongue going on the inside of his thigh. He’s in the middle of a whirlwind of sensations traveling through his body and he can’t processes what’s happening to him. There’s like a short-circuit in his brain that doesn’t allow him to analyse in an objective way the spams as result of Steven’s actions.

He can feel now the wet touch in a part of his body that never in his previous existence he thought he would use, and how? He was an _angel_ after all… fact that Steven is very determinated to make clear… _you’re as human as he’s and this is what it’s suppose you have to feel when you’re in this way with someone…with him just like you saw in his dreams,_ Xabi thinks before arching his back and throw his head back when Steven takes him in his mouth without warning, surprising him completely. And oh… this sweet torture which Steven is submitting to his body is taking him to levels that he can’t take control of any of his responses. He has a hand gripping the sheets and the other one attached to Steven’s hair, he feels a weird sensation in his feet and he has this need to support them on the bed.

Steven takes his time, making him gasp and moan. Suddenly it’s too much to bear for Xabi, his hips are moving for itself, Steven’s hand now between his legs moving frantically, his mouth devouring Xabi’s, then on his neck sucking and biting and Xabi can’t take it anymore, he needs to surrender to this shocking feeling crawling through his body. He loses control of his breathing, there’s a warmth sensation in his insides and something there seems like it explodes with him and it’s so overwhelming, he has his eyes shut tightly and he tries to concentrate in what he’s feeling. Steven’s hand is moving in a slow rhythm now until it stops and Xabi can feel something warm on his belly that travels to the sheets. He sees Steven’s blue eyes fixed on his which he can barely keep them open, while the sense of fulfilment invades his entire being.

With his eyes closed, Xabi can feel Steven moves. His eyelashes are so heavy and he can’t open his eyes, but Steven is over him and stars to kissing him hard tasting his mouth. Steven sits between his legs and asks Xabi to open his eyes to which he reluctantly agrees.

-“Do you trust me?”- He hears Steven’s question and nods. Steven leans on him, his body over his and he whisper in his ear –“This might hurt a little but later it’ll feel good, I promise”.

Xabi frowns –“I won’t know exactly if it hurts or no”- Steven smiles kindly and kisses him softly on his lips -“Don’t stop looking at me Xabi, whatever you feel, please?”- And then Xabi is feeling something cold in another part of his body that in his infinite life he never thought he would ever use, he realize it’s Steven’s fingers going on inside him, pushing and it’s not a pleasant feeling. He tries to move away from Steven but he grips hips hard and attempt to make him relax with his kiss and his touches. Xabi finally goes quiet and again Steven’s fingers are in him, tentatively exploring and after what it feels like ages for Xabi, there’s something that Steven touches that makes him moves involuntary wanting that sensation again. Steven sees Xabi’s reaction and rubs that spot over and over again. Xabi grips the sheets hard, biting his lower lip. He wraps Steven’s waist with his legs and moves his body in the same direction Steven moves his fingers. He starts to moan, gasping for air between kisses, this new divine torture that Steven is inflicting in him is driving him insane. Suddenly there’s an empty feeling and before he can say anything, Steven is going inside him very slow and carefully. Xabi immediately tighten his legs on Steven’s waist and holds himself, grabbing tightly his neck while Steven tenderly grazes his tights and hips. When he senses that Xabi is trying to relax he starts to moves again, going deep with every thrust until he’s fully inside him. Xabi seems to be accustomed with the sensation after the painful moment, his eyes are fixed on Steven face, his hands grabbing his wrists. When Steven sees that Xabi is closing his eyes and gasping again he increases the speed of his movements, making Xabi moves with him. He takes him in his hand, and it’s so intense for Xabi, the idea of having Steven inside him, the mix of placer and pain at the same time, his smell, his taste, everything is making him feel out of this world. Steven is kissing him and biting his lip, his hand moving at the same time with his hips, he licks his ear and whisper -“Let me tell you what you are feeling… I’m making you mine, you’re mine Xabi”.

It’s what it takes to make Xabi falls apart for the second time in the morning, for making him shout and writhes. And it’s what it takes for Steven to moan loudly in Xabi’s mouth and let his body rest on his. Xabi’s breathing slowly now, sinking his fingers in Steven’s hair. It’s raining hard, the heavy drops hitting the crystal of the window and they fall asleep like that, with the sound of the rain and their bodies tangled under the covers.

 

**~ . ~ .**

 

_Epiloque_

Steven is watching Xabi from the shore of the beach and how he’s learning to fish with the local fishermen. It’s a beautiful island, with white sand and crystal blue water. It’s quite far from home though; they spent 10 hours in a plane to get there, plus 40 minutes in a charter flight. Steven thought it was exaggerated (just a bit) to cross the Atlantic Ocean to go to a freaking beach but thanks to Xabi’s insistence and Steven’s impossibility to say no to Xabi, they’re there. Of course, it wasn’t easy. Steven hates long flights and now particularly with Xabi since he actually can sleep through all the travel while Steven can’t even close his eyes. And he really didn’t understand Xabi’s fascination with the 40 minutes torture in that insulting thing called plane. But once he put a foot in the hot sand, well, he fell in love of the place. The beaches he knows are cold and grey compared to this one … and the sun!! You never get to see sun like this in Liverpool, that’s a fact.

After four months and a couple of weeks, Steven thought it was a good moment to take some time off from their daily routine. He’s getting used to the idea of having someone with him, to share his days and nights, his space and all. It’s a learning process, the same with Xabi and his way to fix with the _earthly_ mode. Xabi came to Steven’s life in a very unconventional way but he’s grateful for it. Every time he can, he smiles looking up to the sky his way to be thankful with the nice and beautiful lady that made possible Xabi on his side, well, that’s what Xabi says anyway. And one of the things that Steven has learned in this last months is not discuss with Xabi about…anything since he’s like a walking library. Of course he knows everything, and Steven sometimes feels he lives with the human version of Wikipedia or something. It’s not an easy thing to adjust between them, mostly because Steven’s is stubborn and also because it’s so fun to watch the generally composed man lose his temper and curse loudly.  And it’s way too much fun make the peace with him under the sheets…or over it.

Xabi runs to Steven with the son of one of the fishermen, both of them with wide smiles on their faces showing Steven what it seems to be the dinner for their evening. For a moment Steven sees two excited children, proud of their job and he can’t avoid his smile as well. Actually Steven can’t avoid smile all the time now, when he sees Xabi learning something different every day, his surprise when he experiments something new. He makes Steven happy, he feels he’s 15 again when the motive of his happy days were a ball on his feet. Today, the motive of his permanent grin on his face wakes him up in the middle of the night with his fingers through his hair when he wants to feel him inside, or when he comes to his home after work and he’s greeted by the image of Xabi sitting in the sofa reading a book, or when he makes him pancakes… the little details that fills his life with Xabi are now the reason of his happy days.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!!! Thanks to the people who has read this...and for the little hearts <3 (also for put up with my bad english)
> 
> Oh... and sorry for the long wait, I was kind of busy (IHATEDEADLINES!!) 
> 
> Some pics of the island that is mentioned in the end of the chapter (Los Roques, a piece of my home <3)
> 
> http://www.posadalosroques.net/galleria/losroques/01.jpg  
> http://cdn.lapatilla.com/imagenes.lapatilla/site/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/los_roques2.jpg  
> http://www.costadevenezuela.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Los-Roques.jpg
> 
> PS: thanks to the lovely person who has recommended this fic on tumblr...you're the sweetest!!

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic came from this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir5vKDf0tVw (ILOVEHERSHE'SMYFAVIHAVEACRUSHONHERANDIT'SONEOFMYFAVSONGSSORRYMYRAMBLINGS)
> 
> This song was a suggestion from querida https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYC9N4fVd6g and it contains the paragraph that was mentioned earlier...
> 
> Oh and this fic has a trailer :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ0_UUiebzQ


End file.
